


Nu står vi här, hur fan gör vi nu?

by insomniacjams



Series: Allihop från öster-väst, vi gör Sverige allra bäst [1]
Category: Hockey RPF, Original Work
Genre: Coming Out, Coming of Age, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 20:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 28,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6344680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniacjams/pseuds/insomniacjams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Axel just wants to play hockey.<br/>His first year of university has a far more eventful beginning than anticipated. </p><p>It's so exciting, in fact, that it makes the news.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ett

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for:  
> Homophobia  
> Attempted rape  
> Sexual assault
> 
> This story has not been beta read.  
> I am also not sure if this is appropriate use of the Hockey RPF tag and if it is not, I apologize.
> 
> This story is set in Sweden. Please point out any inaccuracies.

It makes the news. In fact, it surpasses local news and makes the national news, which Axel finds comical. It's not a "ha-ha" funny though; it's funny in a way that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, like coffee dredges in a mug on Monday before class when all you'd rather do is sleep.

The segment is nestled between a briefing of the town's new bridge blueprint and a double homicide in Stockholm. A shot of the ice rink and university splashes across Axel's television. "Prominent players of Jönköping University ice hockey team walked out during practice today," the reporter says.

"That's bullshit," Axel says, and nobody even scolds him for swearing. He wants to say, "It wasn't during practice, it was after, at the team meeting." He wants to explain how Emil said a lot of big, bad words and then he was clenching his fists on his knees and he was standing. His legs were moving on their own, but he hadn't been the one to walk out first. 

It was Max.

Max, who, quiet as always, pushed back his chair and strode purposefully out the door. A man of few words and even fewer facial expressions, stubborn as a mule, tenacious and far more headstrong than any other player on the team – set an unintentional precedent for the moments that followed.

Instead of talking about Max, since Axel thinks too hard about Max most days anyway, he reaches past Alice and goes for a second chocolate chip cookie. She raises an eyebrow at him; she's his oldest sister, and she knows that he doesn't go for the dessert unless he's upset. Axel thinks "upset" isn't a strong enough word for the tumultuous storm of regret and anxiety swirling in his intestines, but he eats the cookie anyway.

It takes another four hours after the news broadcast before their parents disappear into their bedroom, leaving Axel and his three older sisters, the youngest of the family out with some friends on the windy Thursday evening.

"So, spill," Agnes demands as soon as their father closes the door firmly behind him. "What really happened today?"

"Exactly what the news said," Axel grunts, though it isn't true. There'd been a lot more to it than "Captain, assistant captains, prominent forwards and goalie tandem walk out on university hockey team during routine practice." But that was what the reporter had said, more or less. Anna raises her eyebrow. She's very good at narrowing her eyes at him, just like their mother. She's very good at non-verbal communication, unlike his other sisters, who are more like him, more like their father – blunt, and to the point.

"Don't think too hard," Alice tells him. "Just tell us what really happened."

"I said some things I shouldn't have said," Axel tells them. "They came to my defense."

"And you all quit the team because of some things that shouldn't have been said?" Agnes asks.

"Well," Axel sighs. "That, and the fact that they walked in on one of the junior defensemen trying to shove his dick down my throat."

"Oh," Alice sighs.

"Oh," Agnes agrees.

Anna narrows her eyes again.

Axel sighs. "I'm going to my room now. You girls should probably go home."

"We are home," Agnes grins, in a Cheshire cat kind of way. Alice smacks her lightly.

"He means back to our apartments, dipshit. Not all of us are babies like Axel and can't find our own places-"

"It's not my fault the housing market in Jönköping is terrible," he counters back without any heat. "I can't find an apartment in the city if my life depended on it."

"I'm sleeping here tonight," Anna declares.

"Me too," Alice says.

"I'm sleeping in your room," Agnes tells Axel, because her room had been taken over by Moa, their youngest sister, the moment it was available.

"It's too late to drive to Kristianstad anyway," Axel tells them. "Just suck it up and you guys can all stay."

"In your room?" Alice asks with a grin.

"Fuck," Axel swears.


	2. två

He'd thought that going to a university away from Urshult where he grew up (there aren't any local post-secondary institutions) and away from Kristianstad where all his sisters (save the youngest) are, he'd be away from the crazy family a bit more often, but he still commutes two hours by car every day he has classes.

His sisters' university is half the distance from his, but in the opposite direction, so they commute home often as well. Tonight, he tries not to think too hard as Agnes wheezes on the air mattress beside his bed. Alice is bunked with Anna in their old room, and he's kind of glad he only has to deal with one of them, and not all three.

He finds it hard to sleep these days. School isn't all too stressful, but the push to find accommodation in the city combined with weekly team practices and events (though it seems he won't have to worry much about that anymore) has been keeping him up at night.

Sometimes he wishes he could be more like Emil, their captain – former captain now, he supposes – and just let everything roll off his back. He admires that.

He stares at his ceiling until ungodly hours of morning when his eyes slowly slip shut. It feels like only minutes later when Agnes is shaking him awake. "Anna's making breakfast; Mom wants you to say goodbye before you go to school."

"Are you awake enough to drive?" Alice asks with a raised eyebrow as she sees Axel's half-lidded eyes. 

"Have you put the coffee on?" Axel counters.

"Already one step ahead of you," Moa says from where she's sitting on the counter, gesturing to the full pot. "I'd grab a mug for you but dad's in front of the cupboard."

"Got it," their father says, tossing Axel a mug, which he caught in some miracle of reflexes. 

"Coffee," Axel sighs, and Moa dutifully pours him a cup.

"It's too early," Alice groans.

"You don't have class until 16:30," Anna says, "Don't complain."

"You don't have class until 13:00," Moa argues. "I have to leave for gymnasium-"

"Five minutes ago. Get your shoes," their mom sighs.

"Got it," Moa hops off the counter. "Can I drive?" Their voices drift away as they walk down the hallway, and their dad finishes his dishes.

"I'm off to work too," he says. "Love you girls, and you too, Axel. Don't do anything stupid. See you soon."

"Love you too," they echo, and soon it's just Axel and his three older sisters in the kitchen again.

"Do you have class today?" Alice asks, and Axel nods. 

"I have a lecture at 14:00 and then I should probably drop by the office and see if they can help me with housing. I'm hitting dead ends everywhere. It's like there's nowhere to live in the fucking city. All my friends have places, and I'm just stuck in this endless loop.

"Emil says it wasn't so bad a few years ago, which is why the guys from the team all have places and I'm stuck in limbo."

"That's the worst," Anna pets him on the head, before tossing an omelet on a plate for him. "Now eat, you have a long day ahead of you and a long drive there and back."

"Are you guys going to be here tonight?"

"Probably not," Alice says. "We all have places in Kristianstad remember?"

"Right," Axel sighs, and quietly eats his omelet while sipping his coffee. Slowly, his sisters start filtering out to pack their purses again and prepare for their own drive south. He finishes his breakfast and coffee, gathers his own things, and heads for the car.

"Thanks guys," he says. He knew it had been intentional, the way they'd all flocked their way home that evening. Rumors spread fast through the student network and Axel had been in the middle of the biggest university news in weeks.

He gets swirled into three, rib-crushingly tight hugs, and then he's packed into his Volvo and off to school again. He spends the whole way there chewing his bottom lip and tapping his fingers anxiously on the wheel. Luckily for him, the drive passes by quickly and he turns into his usual parking space without any confrontation.

Isak and Oskar are sitting on Mason's car in the spot next to Axel. Mason, their Canadian back up goalie and younger brother to McDowell, a local celebrity and captain of the local major league team, was nowhere to be seen.

"What's up?" Axel greets them as he locks his door and swings up onto his own hood. "Why are you guys hiding out here?"

"They're staring at us like zoo animals man," Isak groans. "I got stared at so hard between classes today."

"I swear to god the whole classroom was quiet when I walked in," Oskar agreed. "I've never seen anything like it."

"We're hot gossip," Isak sighs. "Did you see the bit on the news? I mean, they didn't use our names but I was there, right? 'Alternate Captains' walk out- and there's only two of us, and well, everyone knows no one's going to get shit out of Max so they'll harass me instead."

"On the upside, nothing's changed for Max I bet," Oskar snorts. "He's used to walking around while everyone stares at him like he's a freak show. I can't even show my face in the Student Union office without being gawked at. And I'm the president of the sports association!"

"I bet you won't be by the end of the week," Isak tells him. "I mean, isn't it a requirement to be on a team to be part of the sports association?"

"Probably," Oskar sighs. "That never mattered before, because I've been on the team for a while now, and before hockey there was rugby."

"But now you have neither," Isak says.

"Now I have neither," Oskar laments. "Have you heard from anyone today?"

"No, how's everyone else doing?" Axel asks.

"Val's the same," Isak says, referring to their stoic Finnish goaltender. "But, you know, he's probably ready to start throwing milk crates or something."

"You really gotta stop with the Tuukka Rask comparisons, just because he's Finnish," Oskar sighs, but nods. "Yeah, I think he's ok. I'm not worried about Val; he can hold his own and he's got Mason's back for sure. Max is fine – Max is always fine. How are you doing though?"

"I'm ok," Axel shrugs. "My sisters all came home yesterday, which was nice."

"How sweet," Oskar chuckles. "But really, I know it's rough- did you tell them what really happened?"

"Kind of," Axel shrugs.

"The same way you 'kind of' told us what was going on when we asked you if the other guys on the team were giving you shit?"

"Well, hazing is usually pretty shit, I guess I didn't realize it'd gotten so bad," Axel shrugs. "I've been the youngest guy, the new guy, whatever, on a lot of teams. I'm new here. I've lived here for a month, and technically, I don't even live in this city. I had no reason to think you'd have my back in this one."

"And did the last month we've known you mean nothing to you?" Isak rolls his eyes. "Don't be dumb, Axel. There's hazing, and then there's sexual assault. If the coach can't distinguish that line, he should probably lose his job, but since we don’t have the power to do that, we can at least leave him behind. None of us were destined to play professionally anyway."

"I hate you," Axel grunts.

"Love you too," Oskar replies easily. "C'mon, we'll walk you to class. You don't want to be late or they'll stare even more."

"Great," Axel mutters. "I wish you guys were in my class."

"It won't be so bad," Isak says. "Someone will get you after."

"Okay," Axel agrees quietly, and tries not to think too hard about the eyes on them as they leave the parking lot and cross campus together.


	3. tre

Max is waiting for Axel after class, his arms crossed tightly across his chest, leaning against the wall. If Axel didn't know him, he'd say the man was intimidating. He's tall, but he wears the muscles to match, unlike Axel who stands lankly like a misplaced lamppost no matter where he goes. Max greets Axel with a head nod and a lightly punch to the shoulder, which Axel returns before they fall into step beside each other.

"Ok?" Max asks, and Axel bites his tongue and nods. 

"I have to be." Max smiles at him, a rare sight, and Axel swears his own heart doubles in size (and speed). "I need to go to the office. I want to ask them what I can do about finding an apartment."

"They won't do shit," Max says, and Axel sighs, knowing it's true.

And it is true. He spends a maddening 40 minutes pacing back and forth until the lady finally tells him, "I'm sorry, but there just isn't anything available right now. We'll call you as soon as we can, but you know we prioritize finding homes for international students."

"I have a commute that's longer than two hours by car," Axel argues.

"There just isn't anything I can do right now," the lady says, and Axel tries his best not to scream in frustration.

Max looks at him, as if to ask, "Well?" He reminds Axel a bit like Anna in the way that he's very good at expressing himself without words. Sometimes Axel wishes he could be like that – the strong, silent type. He tries not to paint the envy across his face.

"I'm going to the gym," He decides. "I need to burn off this energy."

"Good," Max says, and then for some reason Axel doesn't quite understand, follows him to the gym. 

Unlike Axel, Max has a gym membership to the place in the city centre that actually has machines that don't break down every week and provides proper training equipment. However, he starts his usual workout routine in the school gym alongside Axel, and for that, Axel is thankful as there are a few unfamiliar faces in the room who side-eye him curiously.

They stay there for nearly an hour, and by the time Axel showers, he's tired and loose-limbed, feeling far more relaxed than he had been when leaving the office. "Wanna get dinner?" He asks Max, who nods.

It's no surprise they find the rest of the guys at Theo's. Mason's brother, in the midst of his surprising career as Jönköping's superstar and the face of their franchise, opened a bar in the middle of the city. He aptly named it after himself: Theo's Bar. Now, it's where Mason and his friends spend every waking moment they're not at home or in school. 

At first, Axel thought it was dumb, but he later realized that not only did Theo's serve the cheapest food and drinks in town, it was actually a chill place to spend time. There was usually hockey or some other sport on the televisions, the waitresses were friendly, the bartenders were proficient at their jobs, and the booths were comfortable. Axel didn't complain anytime someone asked if he was going to Theo's, and in the end, people stopped asking – and he just went.

As usual, the guys (minus Emil who's off doing who knows what) are piled into the large corner booth in the far right. Axel slides in next to Val, and then gets sandwiched against the goalie by Max who presses right into his side. "What the fuck, man?" Val asks, to which Max just shrugs.

"Move over, dick," Axel gives Val a shove, which ensues in a bit of a scuffle before everyone shifts over a bit to allow Max the space to sit. Why he didn't just sit on the other end of the booth next to Oskar, Axel doesn't ask.

Six people in a large booth is normally a comfortable fit, but six hockey players is always the exception. Axel's lucky he's lanky, he thinks, as they readjust and reposition themselves into a less sardine-like formation. The waitress runs by, and he and Max place their usual burger and soda orders before turning their attention back to the table.

"What's new?" Axel asks.

"I caught a bird inside the school today," Val says.

"Does anyone normal have anything to say?" Axel tries.

"A bird caught Valtteri inside the engineering building today," Mason volunteers, and everyone laughs. "Seriously though, it was hilarious. It chased him in and out of three classrooms and a closet."

"No, I put it in the closet," Val argues.

"Yeah, and then you put yourself in the closet and ran out screaming," Mason snorts. Val groans, and everyone laughs again.

"Goalie weirdness aside," Oskar rolls his eyes, "After you went to class, I went to the office to check if they'd kick me off the board. They basically told me to fuck off and that I had the option of reapplying to another position-"

"There aren't any open positions," Isak points out.

"Exactly," Oskar puts his head in his hands. "Guess I'll have to join the business association or something instead, if they'll even take me."

"Start your own association," Val suggests. "Stick it to the man."

"Yeah, you only need ten thousand signatures to do it," Mason grins. "That's only, like a fifth of the entire city. It's doable!" 

"You guys are useless," Oskar says.

"It was an honest suggestion!" Mason tries, but he can't keep a straight face as he says it.

"Useless, I tell ya," Oskar cries dramatically, and lays his head on the table until the food and drinks show up in the hands of three waitresses.

As per usual, dinner at Theo's turns into seven hours of shooting the shit and watching the local hockey team slaughter Stockholm. Before he even realizes, Axel's falling asleep in his seat, and Max elbows him lightly.

"Wake up."

"Fuck," Axel swears, rubbing his eyes. "I didn't realize how late it was," he bemoans at his phone, which is sitting at a dim 1% battery. "I'm going to get home at like three."

"You have anything to do tomorrow?" Oskar asks. Axel shrugs.

"Not really. It's Saturday and now that we don't have practice… well, I'd go to the gym, maybe." 

"At least you can sleep in," Oskar says. "I'd let you stay at mine but it's not big enough for me and Mathilda and the dog, never mind houseguests."

Isak shrugs in an apologetic manner. "Lauren's waiting for me. Gotta keep the girl happy, you know? Plus we don't exactly have the space. The apartment is getting smaller, I swear."

"I live in a closet sized room with Theo- he's going to be fucking exhausted tonight and won't want company," Mason says, the apology thick in his voice. "Plus, Val's already stayed over the last few nights."

Val shrugs. "I've got to drive back to Linköping tonight. It's not as far as Urshult, but it's still a trek – and you probably don't want to meet my parents. They'd probably eat you." Axel thinks it's a joke, but knowing Valtteri, he's not entirely sure. He decides not to chance that one.

They all spill out of the booth, and Axel tries to mentally prepare himself for the drive home as they leave the bar. He says his goodbyes to Isak, Oskar, Mason and Val – they all disappear into the dark, past the streetlamps to their appropriate vehicles.

Axel is about to walk to his own car when Max stops him with a hand on his shoulder. "Hey," he says softly.

"Yeah?"

"I've got a couch." It's kind of weird, because despite today, Axel doesn't really do stuff with just Max. It'd always been with Oskar, or Isak, or the goalie tandem together. He nods anyway. It's a place to sleep, and he's reaching the point where he's genuinely concerned about falling asleep on the road and contemplating an illegal roadside nap.

"Okay," he says, stifling a yawn. He digs into his pocket and pulls out his keys, fumbling with them before tossing them at Max. "You drive though."


	4. fyra

Axel mostly dozes on the way to Max's apartment. The radio fills the silence with top40 hits, and he fades in and out of consciousness until they pull up into a parking space. Axel's never been to Max's place before, but he knows it's not too far from campus, which means it's in the centre of the city. He's kind of jealous.

It looks like every other average downtown apartment when they get inside. It's pretty tidy, with the exception of the unmade, single bed on the left side. There's a plush couch on the right, and cabinets along the left, facing the kitchen area. The bathroom sits directly to the right of the exit. A low coffee table separates the couch from the bed, and straight ahead from the entrance, a tall window overlooks a serene courtyard. 

Max tosses a pair of basketball shorts at Axel to sleep in and says, "Make yourself at home," before disappearing into the bathroom. Axel thinks it's the longest unprompted sentence he's heard from Max all day, as he strips of out of his sweater to his t-shirt and changes his jeans for the shorts.

When Max returns, he digs into a cabinet to pull out an extra blanket and pillow, throwing them on the couch for Axel. He then flips off the overhead light, leaving only the lamp by the couch lit. Axel makes himself comfortable, wraps the blanket around his body, and flips off the lamp.

It's silent for a few minutes; Axel turns the words he wants to say over in his mouth a few times, like he's tasting them, trying to find a combination that's neither bitter nor sweet. He settles, finally, just when he thinks he may fall asleep without saying anything.

"Thanks," he says at last. He's not sure if he's thanking Max for tonight, for letting him sleep on the couch, or if he's thanking Max for yesterday, for setting the precedent that brought them all to this point. "For everything," he clarifies after a beat of silence.

"Don't," Max says. His voice is low, and rumbles through the silence in a way Axel's never will. Axel holds his breath, and waits for more. It comes eventually, piercing the quiet again. "Don't ever let anyone tell you you're worth nothing more than an unwanted blowjob in the locker room." Axel inhales sharply. He's never heard Max say much more than this before. He wonders if it's because they never let him get a word in edgewise. 

"That isn't what they said," he mumbles finally. "I mean, ok, that was one of the things they said, but that wasn't the worst of it."

"What did they say?" Max asks.

"They called me a faggot, and told me that that they'd tell you guys I wanted to fuck Emil and take his captaincy. How fucked up is that? Then they said I was worthless cunt and that I wasn't ever going to be good at anything, except for taking it up the ass. And then-" Axel's voice cracks, and he takes a deep breath to steady himself. "And then they said that I was a pussy and that I had to be good, and they tried to take my clothes off. I guess they wanted to see for themselves I guess. That didn't work, so the one guy tried to go and shove his dick down my throat. That's when you and Emil walked in."

"Axel," Max says. He sounds pained. There's more emotion in the name than there had been at the table at Theo's the whole night. Axel doesn’t mean to do it, but he starts to cry a bit. He tries to keep his voice steady when he speaks again.

"I know they're not done with me. Now that we've fucked their season they're going to come for me. I know it."

The other guys would've said he was being paranoid. 

Max says, "We've got your back."

It isn't easy to sleep after that. He tosses and turns on the couch, fighting back tears. When Max's breathing evens out, Axel lets them fall for a while before going to the bathroom and cleaning his face up. When he cries himself out, he still can't sleep, staring at the insides of his eyelids until the sunrise starts to filter in through the thin curtains. It's only then that he falls asleep, only to wake up a few hours later feeling uneasy, like he's being watched.

This is probably because he is being watched.

Max is eating a bowl of cereal on his bed while playing around on his phone, but the sleek black cat on his lap has its eyes trained on Axel. "Jesus fucking Christ, can you warn a guy about your animals?" Axel says, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He glances at his phone- just past noon. Not bad.

"This is Dog," Max says.

"And I thought Val was the weird one," Axel raises his eyebrow.

"Just call her; she'll come," Max explains. Axel figures it's worth a shot. 

"Here Dog!" He calls, and as if on a string, Dog leaps off Max's lap and right into Axel's waiting arms, purring as she rubs against him.

"Oh," He laughs.

"She can also play fetch, shake a paw, roll over, and more," Max smiles warmly at Axel, who's gently scratching Dog behind the ears.

"Ok, good to know Val's still the crazy one," he says, and then proceeds to cycle through Dog's book of tricks.

"I was just going to hang out today, and maybe watch some movies, if you want to stay," Max offers. Axel doesn't hesitate; he feels at home on the couch and Max hasn't kicked him out after last night's emotional conversation, so he figures he's in the safe zone. "I can make you lunch," he adds.

"That'd be nice," Axel says, and Max slips off the bed to check the contents of his fridge while Axel continues to play with Dog. "Do the guys know you have a cat named Dog?" 

"Probably not," Max shrugs. "They've never been here."

"Why not? You live so close to Theo's."

"They never asked," Max says. "They never needed to," he says more pointedly.

"I didn't need a place to stay," Axel mutters, embarrassed. "I could've napped in my car and then driven home."

"Sure," Max says, but Axel's blushing at Dog and Max isn't even listening to him anyway. "For next time you're thinking about napping in your car, you know where I live."

"Thanks," Axel says, trying to calm his fiery cheeks.

"I'm making breakfast sandwiches," Max says finally. "Eggs and avocado?"

"Sounds great," Axel says, and Dog lets out a plaintive meow.

"You can feed her," Max tells him. "Food's in this cupboard," he kicks the one to his left.

"Gotcha," Axel says, and stretches a bit before wandering over to the cupboard and feeding Dog, as directed.

"She likes you," Max laughs as he places a sandwich on the table in front of Axel. "I think she likes having someone around that isn't me."

"Is that your way of saying 'Come visit more often'?" Axel asks, and Max shrugs, but there's a smile attached to the shrug, so Axel takes it to mean 'Yes, come visit me more.'

Max even lets Axel pick the movie. It's a simple gesture that makes Axel's brain melt of his ears, just a bit. He flicks through the categories on Netflix until he lands on some brainless action movie to match his smarts leaking from his ears, and settles back onto the couch with his sandwich.

At some point, Dog curls up between them, and Axel starts to drift off. When he wakes up, he's leaning heavily on Max's shoulder. Dog is half on his lap, and the movie credits are rolling. It's well past three in the afternoon, and Axel realizes as he slowly rubs sleep from his eyes, that he still has a long drive home ahead of him.

That, and he never made it to the gym. 

"I gotta go home," he says finally, after what feels like an eternity of silence. Dog lets out a sad meow, like she understands. "Sorry Dog," he pets her behind the ears again, before gently shoving her bulk off his leg. "Thanks for letting me crash, and the food."

"Don't die on your way home," is all Max has to offer, before Axel is showing himself out.


	5. fem

"Did you, like, get kidnapped or something?" Moa is at the table eating dinner when Axel gets home. "Mom was all worried and shit. You should've called."

"My bad," Axel sighs. "I ended up staying out later than intended and crashed at a friend's place."

"Well call next time," Moa rolls her eyes. "You want dinner? I just made spaghetti. There's some left."

"Yeah, that'd be great," Axel says, grabbing a bowl and seating himself across from his sister.

"You know, mom almost called Alice and Anna and Agnes to see if you were in Kristianstad."

"That wouldn't even make sense," Axel frowns. "It's an extra hour to drive down there."

"Yeah, well, mom brain, you know?" Moa laughs a bit. "So what's up, were you really at a friend's place or were you hooking up with someone?" Axel stares at her, scandalized. 

"Who taught you those words?"

"The internet," Moa says flatly. "But really."

"I wish," Axel sighs. "No, I just passed out on Max's couch."

"Who's Max?" Moa asks. "Is he the hot one? Did you want to bang him instead?"

"Moa!" 

"Oh, you totally do," Moa laughs. "Don't worry, I won't tell mom!"

"Or Alice!"

"I won't tell Alice either," Moa promises.

"Or Anna or Agnes?"

"Yeah, yeah, your big fat crush on Max is our secret, got it. But seriously, who is he. Is he hot? Can I see a picture?" Axel groans as Moa grabs for his phone, and starts typing into Facebook. "Oooh, is he this Max?"

"Yeah," Axel sighs. Max doesn't use Facebook much, but the profile picture is fairly current (maybe four months old). Moa swipes through the photos, and then moves on to the info. 

"He's old," she frowns at the birthday.

"Maybe you're just young. Sixteen, and all," Axel jokes.

"No, but seriously. Axel, I hate to break it to you, but just because you made the hockey team it doesn’t make you older. You're still 18. This guy is, what, 23?"

"Five years isn't a big deal," Axel tells her. "I mean, mom and dad are eight years apart."

"Yeah, and mom and dad lived in a different time than us. What would you say if I brought home a guy who was 21?"

"Fuck no! That's older than me! Hell, that's older than Agnes!"

"Exactly my point," Moa says primly, sliding Axel's phone back across the table. "But seriously, he's hot, even if he's like, the same age as Alice. And Alice is super old."

"Don't let her hear you say that," Axel grins. "And nothing's going to happen with Max, alright? He's just some guy from the team. Until yesterday, I didn't even spend too much time with him."

"Why were you even with him yesterday then?" Moa asks as she and Axel move the dirty dishes toward the sink.

"Honestly, I don't know. He was just with everyone else, I guess. Like, he's pretty good friends with the rest of the guys, so they sent him to pick me up after class. I'm sure you've heard the gossip – the guys don't think it's a good idea for me to wander around campus by myself until this whole thing blows over. We went to the gym together, and then for dinner with everyone else. I needed a place to sleep, and he had a couch, so yeah, that's how that happened."

"Too bad," Moa hums as she grabs the dish soap. "Like I said, he's hot."

"I know," Axel laughs. "But you know, after everything that happened in the last month, maybe I'll just find myself a nice girl in Jönköping, move in with her, and have that solve all of my problems."

"Yeah, I guess the apartment hunt isn't the greatest right now?"

"Nope," Axel sighs, and contemplates throwing the plate in his hand. "It's been pretty shit, honestly. There's nothing at all. I've begged every single housing agency in the city, the office, and everyone I know. It's one dead end after another, and yesterday, the office basically told me to fuck off because I wasn't an international student and had a roof over my head."

"Bullshit," Moa says. Axel appreciates that she doesn't tell him to look harder.

"It is," he agrees. She sighs.

"Look, I have homework to do, but you should, like, enjoy your weekend or something instead of studying for tests like me."

"Yeah, probably," Axel agrees, and then spends the rest of the weekend in his room watching Netflix.

When Monday rolls around and Axel strolls across campus, he kind of wishes he'd stayed in bed with Netflix. He counts thirty-two insults before he even reaches his building, never mind the stares. "Hey, faggot-" And then there's a beet sandwich flying toward his head. 

"Heard you were caught giving Emil head, that's why you were kicked off the team!" Someone shouts.

"Keep it in your pants, you fucking fag," someone else bellows across the courtyard. "No one wants to see your tiny dick."

Axel takes a sharp breath, and pushes open the door to the building. 

It doesn't get better.

He takes a seat in the back of the room, and the guy two seats to his right moves to the front of the room. Laughter titters through the class, and Axel wants to disappear into his seat. Instead, he opens his notebook, and relishes in the fact that no one tries to sit next to him, ignoring the way a flurry of heads turn his way every fifteen minutes, like they're checking if he's still there. 

During the in-class coffee break, someone knocks his books off his desk. He picks them up, only for someone to bump them off again.

"Nobody likes a queer on the hockey team," someone says, and Axel holds himself back from slamming his head into the wall. As soon as the lecturer dismisses them, he's first out the door.

He's in such a hurry to get out of the room that he runs headlong into Max with a soft "Oompf." Axel finds Max unexpectedly solid as his own body wavers threateningly back and forth. Max sighs, rights Axel back up with two strong hands on Axel's biceps, and then drags him outside.

With Max, there's less shouting in his direction (though some of it still filters through). "Who sent you?" Axel asks.

"Emil."

"He saw me this morning?"

"Yeah," Max says.

"Oh." Axel frowns. "It was ok though- nothing happened."

"Yet," Max sighs.

"They're just dumb rumours. I'll be fine. It'll blow over."

"Sure," Max says, but he's not agreeing, just hoping for complacency. Axel can hear it in his voice, and can see it in the eye roll.

"I'm not going to cry myself to sleep tonight," Axel argues, and Max nods. He's not fighting back, letting Axel push, and push again. "I'm fine," he repeats, like it'd be true the more he said it.

"You're fine," Max repeats him.

"Yeah," Axel says.

"Good." Max slips a hand around Axel's books, taking them out of his hands.

"What?"

"Time for fika*," Max says. Axel closes his eyes, takes a deep breath of bitter cold October air, and nods. He has two hours between classes anyway, which is long enough to walk into the city and plant his ass in a seat in his favourite café.


	6. sex

"So." Max looks at him over their mugs. Axel's stirring four cubes of sugar into his coffee. He doesn't need it, but he wants something to do with his hands. He doesn’t think the sugar will help the way his hands are trembling, but he probably won't finish the coffee anyway.

"So," Axel echoes. He swallows hard, and puts down the spoon. It's starting to rain outside. He can see it from the window that overlooks the street. Max isn't facing the window. He's facing Axel, with an oddly serious look on his face.

"Did you hear?"

"Hear what?" Axel asks. He picks up the spoon again, because the coffee is too hot to drink. 

"They suspended the team, pending investigation," Max says. Axel thinks he's imagining things, but he feels the café falls silent after Max speaks. "The coach gets a critical look, and the team gets a full reform if the students are found guilty of whatever they're trying on them. They have to forfeit the season. The city isn't happy."

"No shit," Axel sighs, and lets the spoon drop on the table with a clatter. It echoes around the shop, and he blushes. He waits a minute, but then realizes Max isn't going to say much more unprompted. "Thanks, again, for, you know-" he inhales sharply, "Saving my ass so much since that day."

"It's just what anyone would do," Max says.

Axel breathes in deeply. "No, no it's not." Max raises an eyebrow. "I mean, Emil's off dealing with his own shit, and Oskar's trying to maintain his reputation, and Isak probably never gave a flying fuck anyway. Mason and Val are too wrapped up in each other to care and I'm just… I'm just some kid who came storming in one day thinking he could play hockey and my big mouth went and fucked everything up. Like, if I hadn't said anything that second day, maybe none of this would've happened."

"Don't say that," Max frowns. He sips at his coffee. Axel doesn't watch the way Max's fingers wind around the thin handle of the cheap Ikea mug, or the way his throat bobs when he swallows. Axel certainly doesn't think about how Max takes his coffee (a splash of milk, no sugar) or how they're both used to hockey diets and bypassed the cinnamon buns. 

"But like, that day you found us in the locker room, like-"

"If it was Isak, or Oskar, or Mason, or even Val – we all would've done the same thing, and you know that," Max says. "It was wrong, and if it wasn't you, it could've been any of us."

"No, it couldn't have," Axel laughs sadly at his mug. "I'm the only faggot walking around here thinking I'm good enough to change the whole structure of this team."

"They were just jealous because you're younger and better than them," Max says. And then adds sharply, "Don't call yourself that."

"I am, though, aren't I? If I wasn't, I wouldn't be in this situation. Fat lot of good being 'out' did me here." 

"You weren't really out though," Max says, and Axel stares.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't know. The guys didn't know. I mean, I'm sure you would've told us if we asked, but we didn't ask and you didn't volunteer. Do you even talk to anyone else at this school? I'm sure you're out back home, but…"

"No, you're right. I wasn't out," Axel bites his tongue.

"It's good to know now though," Max says.

"Does it change anything?" Axel asks. Max stares at him like he's dense as a fruitcake. "Right," Axel mumbles. "It kind of did change a lot of things though."

"So some asshole won't sit next to you in class anymore, well, isn't that good for you?" Max asks, and Axel frowns.

"You're right."

"Good," Max says, and then pushes Axel's coffee closer. "Finish this. We're going to my place."

"I have a class in, like, an hour," Axel says.

"Good. That's enough time to walk Dog."

"You take Dog for walks?" Axel asks, incredulous, as he gulps down some coffee. Max nods once, and Axel pinches himself twice to make sure he isn't dreaming, before following Max out of the café.

Dog is surprisingly relaxed in a cat harness and leash combination. She doesn't pull or run for every bush she sees. Instead, she just struts ahead of them like she's walking Axel, and he's the one on the leash. "Where did you find her?" He asks Max, who shrugs.

"She found me."

"Of course she did," Axel sighs.

"No, really," Max laughs. "She just kept showing up at my door. I have no idea how she kept getting into the apartment building. I looked for an owner forever, and even took her to a vet to see if she was micro chipped."

"I guess she wasn't," Axel grins. Dog waits patiently at traffic lights and understands that she has to walk on the half of the path that isn't designated for cyclists. She doesn't chase birds or make noise. She's content, just enjoying her time outside. "You're nuts," Axel tells her as he leans down to pet her lightly behind the ears as they wait for a light to change.

She just blinks up at him with those big, yellow eyes, and lets out a rumbling, half-hearted purr. "I don't want to go to my class," Axel tells Dog with a sigh as he stands up. "I bet you'd be happy if I didn't go to class."

"You don’t have to go," Max says with a shrug. "What's the class?"

"I should go," Axel frowns. "It's media studies but I think we have to get into groups for our assignment today. Oh. Groups. Fuck," Axel curses. Max chuckles at his expense before shrugging.

"You know where to find me if you change your mind." Axel nods, and as they approach the road where Axel would turn left for school and Max right for home, he fumbles the loose leash back into Max's hand.

The class is a disaster right from the get-go. Like his earlier course, nobody sat next to him during the lesson, and people kept periodically bumping into his desk until everything wound up on the ground. Beyond that, the teacher ignored him every time he tried to make a comment or participate in the discussion. 

When it came to make groups, everyone skirted him and clung to their friends. Even the kids that nobody else liked banded together and formed a group, leaving Axel on his own. "I guess I can make a simplified version of the project for you," the teacher tells him, without even glancing at him twice. "I'll email it to you later." Axel nods once, and as the rest of the class chats with their groups, he ducks out the door.

Max isn't waiting for him this time. Axel pretends he isn't disappointed by that fact, and goes to the gym instead. An hour later, his arms and legs are sore, but he doesn't feel much better. He thinks about showering, but when he gets into the locker room, a guy he doesn't recognizes glares at him until he makes a hasty retreat.

On his way to his car, he runs into Isak. "Man, you reek," Isak laughs. "What's up? Coming to Theo's?"

"Nah, I'm going home tonight," Axel says, wrinkling his nose. "And you're right, I reek. I wanted to shower but some guy stared me out of the gym."

"Gross, yeah okay, go home," Isak laughs. "I'll tell the guys you send your regards."

"Thanks," Axel sighs. He turns on his stereo and tries not to think too hard about anything on his way home. He mostly ends up humming along and thinking about Dog's soft fur between his fingers.


	7. sju

Axel doesn't have classes on Tuesday, but he drives up to Jönköping to use the library and gym. The campus is surprisingly quiet; he thinks there's a brash collection of assignments floating around at the moment.

He makes it through all his homework and his workout surprisingly undisturbed. In fact, the whole campus is so quiet it feels eerie, like the silence cuts deep into his bones and every step he takes is a step too loud.

He feels a bit detached when he leaves the gym after a shower, and heads to Theo's to grab a bite to eat and see if the guys are around. They are (of course they are). Axel smashes himself into the familiar booth – Isak and Oskar are pouring over some assignment in a class they share, Mason and Val are arguing about American politics, and Emil is glaring at his dinner with laser eyes.

"What's up?" Axel asks him, and he shrugs, chewing angrily. 

"Just pissed at life, you know, the usual," he sighs. "My thesis is driving me nuts."

"What's your topic?"

"That's the thing," Emil laughs. "My professor is being a dick and isn't approving any of my topics. At first I thought maybe I just had too wide of a scope or dumb topics, but like… He was a big hockey fan, you know?"

"Oh. Sorry he's being a dick."

"It's not your fault," Emil pats him on the back once before taking another bite of his sandwich.

"It kind of is though," Axel says, and Emil narrows his eyes.

"No, it's not. I walked out on my own. I was the one who reamed out the coach. I was responsible for my own actions, Axel."

"Okay," Axel mumbles.

"Don't take it so hard," Emil squeezes his shoulder with a frown. "We didn't lose much. It wasn't like any of us were destined to play in the SHL anyway."

"Yeah okay," Axel says, and steals a fry off Emil's plate just because he can.

The local team isn't playing that night, but they end up hanging out pretty late anyway. Max rolls in around two hours after Axel, and Oskar quirks an eyebrow at him. "Where've you been, man?"

"Around," Max says, and then immediately orders a beer, which only makes Oskar increase his eyebrow action.

"You alright?"

"Long day," is all Max says.

"That's not a yes," Oskar says.

"Yes, I'm okay," Max rolls his eyes. 

"Right, well," Mason interrupts, "I was going to head home early tonight. I've got a seminar tomorrow and I think my dumb group mates might drive me nuts before then. 

"You're my ride," Isak says, scrambling out of the booth after Mason, who only rolls his eyes.

"Walk, lazy."

"It's like, 30 minutes and it's pouring out," Isak says, to which Mason sighs but nods in defeat. 

"Coming over tonight, Val?"

"Yeah," Val nods, and the three of them leave in a flurry of coats and hats.

"We should start a rec team," Oskar says quietly, after the other three had cleared out of the building.

"Why?" Emil laughs.

"Well, what are we doing in our spare time anyway? I swear to god we're going to come here one day and find out Val's been knitting scarves and collecting garden gnomes or something."

"There's an ice rink with a beer league in the southern part of town," Axel volunteers the little tidbit he'd picked up when looking at hockey options in the city.

"I think I know which one you're talking about," Oskar says. "We can go scope it out tomorrow, and if it looks like they'll take us, we can bring it up with the rest of the guys."

"It would be nice," Emil says finally after a beat of silence. "I'd like to play again."

"Just because we walked off the university team, it doesn't mean we have to stop playing," Oskar says, and Emil nods.

"True. So what do you think, Max?"

"Sure," he shrugs.

"Well, that sounds like a yes to me," Oskar laughs. "Are you ok to drive us down there tomorrow? Do you have classes?"

"I have a one o'clock," Axel thinks for a moment. "I was going to hit the gym after but we can go to the rink instead, so let's meet up at like, three or four?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," Oskar agrees, and Emil nods emphatically. 

"I have plans," Max says when Axel looks at him, and he's forced to swallow the pit of disappointment growing in his stomach.

"Cool, we'll go check it out then," Axel says. "I should probably get going soon if I’m going to get home at a decent hour."

"Probably," Oskar laughs. "Get out of here." 

Axel grins, throws some cash down on the table for his bill, and leaves with a smile on his face. He's excited about checking out the possibility of starting a beer league team. He's excited about having plans. He's hoping to kill two birds with one stone and check out the housing offices down that way as well. 

It's a good day.

It's a good night too. He sleeps well and wakes up before his alarm. His body doesn't ache and his head is clear. 

Of course, it doesn’t last (it never does). By the time he rolls out of bed, his mom is waiting for him at the kitchen table, her hands on her hips. "Axel, have you found an apartment yet?"

"No, I'm still looking," he mumbles, pulling out a box of cereal because he can't be assed to make anything for breakfast.

"Look harder- this isn't going to work and paying for gas to drive back and forth all the time is not sustainable," she begins. Axel forgets the cereal, and goes back upstairs, leaving her to rant on her own in the kitchen.

Moa isn't home, already gone for school, so thankfully Axel doesn't have to fight anyone for the bathroom as he takes a quick shower and rushes out the door for school. He picks up breakfast at a 7-11 on the way, and takes his time driving into Jönköping. By the time he reaches the city limits, he's already feeling a bit bitter about life, and getting insults thrown his way as he power walks across campus does nothing to lift his spirits.

He spends the rest of the morning hiding in the library, and when his class rolls around, he sits at the back and tries to look as invisible as possible. "It'll blow over," Oskar tells him as they meet at the gym after class. "I've been getting jeered at a lot less."

"That's because everybody loved you," Axel sighs. "I was a nobody before all of this happened. Now this is all they're going to recognize me for." Oskar frowns, but he remains silent.

Axel takes that as a "sucks to be you" and they don't talk again until they meet Emil halfway to the car. 

"Where's everyone else?" Oskar asks.

Emil shrugs. "It was just us, yeah? We didn't tell Mason, Val, or Isak, and Max had plans." 

"Right then, shall we go?" Axel asks. The guys agree, and they pile into his car.

"Has it really been that bad for you?" Emil asks after Axel fills him in on the morning. "Because they've pretty much just started ignoring me and Isak; it's like we never were on the team. They don't talk to us, but they don't call us out either."

"Someone spat on my notebook in class today," Axel tells him, and Emil cringes.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize, you didn't do it," Axel sighs. "It's just frustrating to add to the whole house hunting thing. Speaking of, do you mind if I drop both of you off at the rink and pick you up in a bit? I want to stop by some of the housing offices and see if they have any available apartments in this area."

"Isn't this a little far from town?" Emil asks.

"I've given up on finding anything in town," Axel sighs. "As close as I can get is good enough for me. It's still better than Urshult, y'know?"

"Yeah, I get it," Emil says. "You can leave us at the rink. Good luck with the offices, dude."

"Thanks, I'll need it," Axel tells him, pulling up to the parking lot. "Now get out of my car."

When he picks them up an hour later, Emil and Oskar are bouncing with excitement, giggling and waving around a sheet of paper. "We can sign up a team," Oskar grins, and then there are high fives flying around and Emil pulls them both into a tight hug. "We can play again!"

"We can play again," Axel echoes, and as Emil and Oskar grapple for their phones to text the others, Axel tries not to think about his hour at the office.

"I'm sorry, but there just aren't any vacancies in the area at this time."


	8. åtta

Some girl Axel doesn't recognize sits next to him in class on Thursday. The whispers ripple through the classroom and he keeps his head down; he tries not to look at her. He finds out her name is Ellen. They do partner work together in class and at the end, she tugs shyly at her hair and asks through her thick eyelashes, "Would you like to have a fika with me?"

Axel wants to say yes, he does, but he also just wants to go to the gym and scour the internet for more apartments. He wants to get to know this girl – see if she's more than a coy smile and wide eyes. 

"I have to go to the gym," he says, and her face falls. "But we can meet after."

"Okay," she grins, enthused. "Can I have your Facebook?"

"Uh," Axel pauses. "I can give you my number." They exchange phone numbers and he continues to the gym as planned. He goes through his usual routine with only a few snide comments thrown his way, and everyone seems to leave the showers as soon as he enters, so he uses that to his advantage and takes his time.

He texts Ellen after that.

They get coffee at the student café. Axel doesn't offer to pay for her, and she doesn't ask. They sit together near the window, away from the hoards gathering over schoolwork. "So," Ellen grins, wrapping her fingers around her cup. "I noticed you've been hanging out with Max Larsson. Can you tell me if he's single?"

Axel burns his tongue on his coffee from taking an awkward gulp, because he's not sure how to respond to that.

"I've always wanted a gay best friend," she plows forward, and Axel tries not to visibly cringe. "I heard what they were saying about Emil Åberg as well – is it true he's gay too?"

"Uh," Axel says eloquently, and then shuts himself up with another sip of too-hot coffee. 

"Well?" She prods.

"I don't know," Axel says finally, staring at his cup. He doesn't look her in the eye.

"How can you not know? Aren't they your friends?"

"I don't know," Axel repeats, frustrated. "We don't talk about stuff like that. We talk about hockey." He thinks about what Max said to him the other day, about how he wasn't really out – about how no one knew. Of course no one knew. Of course they never talked about it. It was never relevant.

"Well did you ever talk about the size of your sticks?" Ellen asks with a lewd, exaggerated wink.

Axel doesn't even feel bad for leaving his coffee behind and walking out the door.

His feet naturally take him to Theo's. He's not even registering his surroundings until he's pulled open the door and bypassing the bar for their booth. Only Mason and Val are there, discussing what looks like the size of goalie pads – complete with diagrams drawn on the napkins in front of them.

"What's wrong? You look like someone ran over your cat. Or your sister," Val says.

Axel lets out a week laugh. "I just had some girl sit next to me in class, and I thought, y'know, cool, someone who doesn't think I'm the plague. Turns out she just wanted to know if Max was single and if Emil was gay."

"Must be the same girl who kept following Mason around," Val snorts. "Medium length brown hair? Talks like she's from Malmö? Red nail polish?"

"Yeah, that's her," Axel sighs. "Her name's Ellen."

"Good to know. She was starting to weird us out, but then Mason pointed out that she was only around when Max was," Val chuckles. "How cute, eh?"

"Cute is not the word I would use," Mason snorts. "She's like, full stalker material. I'd be careful with her."

"No doubt," Axel sighs. "At least we have hockey again."

"Yeah, at least we have hockey again," Mason agrees. "I vote we all go on Monday and skate a bit- get used to the rink and check out the gym there and stuff. And then we can maybe even play a game in the evening if we're not tired."

"Yeah, if someone wants to play us," Val laughs. "The whole city knows who we are at this point."

"Doesn't matter," Mason says. "Some people just wanna play." The rest of the guys show in a steady trickle after that, and they spend the evening watching the local team (and Mason's brother) lead an onslaught against Malmö. It doesn't make Axel feel any better, but it does help him forget for a little while. 

Much like Tuesday, Axel doesn't have class on Friday, but he drives to Jönköping anyway to continue his apartment hunt and get away from his dad's judging stare. He starts his morning in one office and moves methodically from one to the next, sitting in cold, hard chairs and clutching paper numbers as he waits his turn. He hears the same words, over and over again.

"There's no vacancies in Jönköping, but if you're looking for something nearby, this other company may have something."

"I just came from there," Axel tells the last office, frustrated. "I've tried every landlord and agency in this city. I've submitted so many applications only to be told that any vacancy has been filled."

"Maybe you should move in with a friend," the woman said, sympathetic. "There just isn't anything more I can do for you here."

Frustrated, Axel posts an open invitation to lunch in their group chat, and heads to Theo's earlier than usual, collapsing in the booth just past noon, exhausted from his morning hunt. Max is the first one who shows up, giving him a sympathetic smile. The one thing Axel appreciates about Max's presence is that he doesn't need to fill it with mindless chatter. They sit together in silence until Isak and Oskar slide into the booth, and the calm is interrupted.

"The goalies have a lecture," Emil says as he joins them moments later. "Does anyone want to go out tonight? The club downtown has free entry until eleven tonight."

"Sure," Isak agrees. "But you're buying the first round." Emil sputters out a protest that's drowned out in shame as the waitress appears with their food. Not too long after they eat though, Isak, Oskar and Emil have to return to university to study, leaving Axel unsure of himself and what to do.

"I don't have class," Max says, as if reading his mind. He waits then, as if he wants Axel to suggest something. All Axel wants to do is watch movies and pet Dog, but he thinks their friendship is still fresh, and he'd been too impudent if he invited himself over.

It's too wet outside to suggest going to the park or for a walk along the lake, he's too poor to even consider going to the movie theatre, and he doesn't have a membership to Max's gym. They just ate, and coffee is out of the question. 

"I don't either, obviously, but I don't know what to do in the meantime. It'd be stupid to drive all the way home just to drive back," Axel says.

"Come over," Max suggests, and Axel jumps on the invitation with a wide grin. He hopes his face hadn't lit up like a kid on Christmas, but he knows he's not very good at hiding his emotions. Max rolls his eyes, and follows Axel to the car.

Dog greets him with a head-butt to the shins. He sighs and scratches her behind the ears as Max takes of his jacket and dumps his backpack in the closet. "Did you want to watch a movie or something?" Axel bravely suggests.

"Yeah, sounds good. I'm going to make some coffee- would you like some?"

"Please," Axel says, leading Dog to the couch. 

"You know where the remote is," Max says. "Find something you like."


	9. nio

Axel wakes up several hours later with no idea of when he fell asleep. He's slumped over Max's chest; Max has an arm casually around his shoulders, and the other is buried in Dog's fur. There's another episode of the boring detective show they'd been watching queued up on the television, but Max isn't watching that. He's watching Axel instead.

Axel can feel his cheeks heat up with embarrassment as his sleep-addled brain slowly realizes where he is. "I am so sorry," he blurts. Max blinks down at him.

"Why?"

"I didn't mean to fall asleep on you. I'm sure you didn't invite me over so I could use you as a pillow while you watch really bad American television."

"No, but it wasn't a bad alternative," Max tells him. He doesn't shift or anything, so embarrassed as he is, Axel keeps his head firmly planted on Max's chest. 

"Thanks," Axel says quietly. "I uh, I haven't been sleeping the best lately."

"What's keeping you up?" Max asks, and Axel wiggles a bit unconsciously, his body curving toward Max's.

"I don't know," he mumbles. "I just can't sleep."

"That sucks," Max says. "You can sleep some more, if you want." Axel's pretty sure he's awake for good now, after his nap, but he doesn't want to give Max a reason to move.

"Yeah okay," he agrees, and closes his eyes. He doesn't expect to fall asleep again so quickly, but he's nodding off after only a few deep, measured breaths.

The second time Axel wakes up on Max, he's far less surprised. Max has a book open, propped up against Dog who's carelessly licking her tail. "Hey," Max says when he feels Axel move. "Did you want dinner?"

"Sure," Axel mumbles, reaching up to rub the sleep from his eyes.

"Okay, but you're helping me cook," Max says.

They bump elbows in the kitchen, moving around each other to make something edible. Axel's not the best at cooking, so he mostly follows Max's directions and in the end, they have a couple plates of pasta and sauce that doesn't look radioactive, so he considers it a win. Axel tries not to think too hard about how domestic this all feels – about how he thinks he could do this every day.

"Are you excited to go out tonight?" Axel asks. Max shrugs.

"Not really," he says. "I don't go out a lot, but everyone else is, so I may as well, right?"

"Right," Axel agrees. They eat silently for a bit, and then Axel asks quietly, "Do you think I'm going to get shit on at the club? I know it's a big student city here. A big hockey city too."

"Doesn't matter," Max says. "We'll be there."

The thing is, they're not there. Emil's flirting with the bartender, Oskar and Isak are doing shots at the other bar, Mason's dancing, Val's nowhere to be found, and Max- Axel has to tear his eyes away from the corner of the room where Max is leaning down to talk to some girl he doesn't recognize. 

One of the guys from the old university team grips Axel hard on the shoulder. "Hey faggot," he says. "Follow me."

"Why?" Axel can't make his feet move. He can't go passively. They've fought this hard already – he's lost so much. 

"Fine, let's do it here then," the guy says. Axel can't remember his first name, but his last name is Johansson. It's so generically Swedish, Axel's not sure why he even remembers it in the first place.

He's thinking too hard about the guy's name, he reasons, that's why he doesn’t see the fist flying at his face. He doesn't even register the punch before there's another one, and then he's just trying to protect his face when another two guys appear out of nowhere and start wailing on him. 

Axel's never been a fighter. He's the fast guy on the team that goes for the net. He's not built for checking like Max or Oskar. He ends up cowering defenselessly until the beating stops – just stops. It's only then that he peers up and sees security throwing the guys from the club.

Well.

He sighs, gets up off the floor, and – and he whole room spins like he'd just stepped off a rollercoaster. His vision swims, and he drops back to the ground. Okay, not moving then, he thinks. He can feel the adrenaline dissipate from his body, and then he's exhausted, physically and mentally. 

"Axel?" Oskar asks, and well, Axel should feel a bit worse about throwing up on his shoes. And he probably will, too. Once he finishes passing out.

After waking up on Max twice in one day, Axel realizes an ambulance probably isn't where he wants to wake up. Luckily for him, he's not in there long. "Concussion," the paramedic tells him after standard procedures. "Go home, get some rest, but have someone wake you every few hours if you can. No drinking, no drugs, no driving. Go to a doctor if symptoms persist."

"Got it," Axel mumbles.

"You heard that?" The paramedic asks Max, who's hovering nearby.

"Yeah, I'll take him back to my place," Max says. "Wake him up a few times tonight- anything else?"

"Make sure he drinks plenty of water," the paramedic says. "His own bed would be best. He needs the rest."

"He lives in Urshult. I’m not driving two hours south at three in the morning with no way home," Max says.

"Fair," the paramedic says. Between one blink and another, Axel is being hauled into a taxi. 

"What?" He asks. "Your place is like, five blocks away."

"I think you better save your energy for walking into my apartment," Max says. Axel thinks that's a valid argument, and closes his eyes.

He blinks again, and Max is pulling him from the taxi and toward the door. He stumbles a bit. "Thanks," he says. He feels like he's saying it a bit late, and he's been saying it a lot lately. He needs to find a better way to show his appreciation. Max brushes it off.

"Just help me by walking a bit or else I'm going to have to carry you into the elevator," Max says, so Axel focuses on his feet, and together, they manage to get him through the door on his jelly legs.

Max helps him out of his shirt, and tosses him the shorts he slept in last time. "I'm not taking your pants off for you," he says, and turns around to do something in the kitchen while Axel fights his jeans.

Once Axel is changed, he lunges for the couch, but Max stops him. "Nope," Max says, and pushes him toward the bed. "You need sleep."

"But," Axel starts, and Max just shakes his head.

"Just go to sleep, Axel." 

The bed sheets are soft, the mattress is the right firmness, and the pillow smells like Max. Axel feels a bit punch-drunk. He falls asleep in between blinks, the image of Max making himself a bed on the couch slowly fading away.


	10. tio

"I am so sorry about last night," Axel says, when he's mostly awake. Max's blanket is cocooned around his body and his hair is mussed from sleep. Max is making coffee in the kitchen with Dog weaving around his ankles. Axel isn't surprised when he doesn't respond. 

He doesn't want to get up, but he does need to pee, so he stumbles from the bed and into the bathroom. After he finishes and returns to the living area, he finds Dog curled up on the pillow. He sighs, and gently moves her aside so he can snuggle under the covers again.

"What time is it?" He asks. 

"Just past nine," Max tells him. "You should sleep more."

"I don't think I can," Axel admits. Dog is a little too close to his face for comfort, and the rare sunlight is peeking through the curtains. His body is wide-awake. "I can call my sister," he says after a moment. "She'll come take me home. I probably shouldn't drive yet."

"You don't have to leave," Max says. 

"Okay," Axel says, and reaches up to shield his eyes from the daylight. "Can I take a shower?"

"Towels are in the cupboard," Max tells him.

In the shower, Axel takes his time, closing his eyes and letting the hot spray soothe his shoulders. He doesn't realize he's crying until he reaches up and his cheeks are wet and warm (and it wasn't from the showerhead). He makes a frustrated noise, wipes his face, and leaves the shower feeling dirtier than when he had entered. 

Max doesn't speak much. That is a fact. Axel never really thought too much about it when Oskar, Isak, Emil, and the goalies easily filled in the blank spaces with their cacophony of voices. Even later, as he started spending more time with Max, the television or radio or even Axel filled that space.

Now, as his head thrums with a dull pain, and he can't reach over to turn on Netflix as he normally would, the silence rings through the apartment like the stark reality of the situation. "I didn't look in the mirror," Axel says, just for the sake of saying something. "How bad does my face look?"

"You have a black eye, and a bruise on your cheek. Your lip is swollen." Axel can feel all of that. He doesn't need Max to tell him, but it feels better somehow, just to hear it. They are facts, just like how Max doesn't talk much or Axel has four sisters.

Axel can catalogue facts pretty well. The silence allows him to do this. He's not sure what Max is doing in the kitchen, unwilling to open his eyes again, but it's fairly quiet, with the odd sound coming from the sink or stove. 

He starts with the basics. His name is Axel Berglund, and he is 18 years old. He was born and raised in Urshult, Sweden, and his favourite colours are blue and yellow. He enjoys playing hockey and hanging out with his friends. His favourite beer is Norrlands Guld, and he cheers for HV71 and their captain, Theo McDowell. 

Axel is not beautiful. That is also a fact. He's small for a hockey player, standing at 187 cm, and only 70 kg. Max, who's only a few centimeters taller, is nearly 20 kg heavier. His hands are clumsy and callused from years of roughing, and his hair curls awkwardly at the nape of his neck no mater what he does, unlike Max, who pulls off the "windswept" look effortlessly. He sighs into the pillow, or, half the pillow, half of Dog's backside, and gets a frustrated meow in return. Axel rolls over, and tries not to disturb Dog any further.

Another fact of life is that Axel likes men. He's known this for a long time. He's never really announced it per se, but it has been known amongst his family for a long time. He never had close friends in Urshult to share with, but he's sure half the town knows anyway (it's not very big). That's why he didn't think much of it when he moved. Maybe, he thinks, in hindsight, it would've been better to announce it, because then it would've been on his own terms. 

(He doesn't think about Johansson in the locker room trying to force his cock into Axel's mouth.)

Axel's final fact of life is that his family is the only reliable constant. His sisters have always been there when he needed them, and are still there when he doesn't. He's not used to having them live so far away – he's not used to spending so much time alone. He wonders if his friends here find him clingy. He wonders a lot about his friends here, and about whether they'd still talk in twenty years. 

"You're thinking too hard," Max tells him. The bed dips when Max sits down, and reaches down to tug the blanket away from Axel's face. Dog makes a rumbling noise and stretches. Her paw hits Axel in the nose, and he groans. When he opens his eyes, she's flicking her tail around and staring at him curiously.

"What's up?" Axel looks at Max.

"I made breakfast," he says, and Axel opens his mouth, about to say he's not hungry, but Max shakes his head. Axel knows he's right- knows he needs to eat. So he struggles upright, and heads to the kitchen for the plate. 

Axel's jaw hurts when he chews. He tries not to think about why his jaw hurts. "I'm going to call Alice to make her get me," he says finally, putting his fork down on the empty plate. "I can't stay here all weekend – it's better I get home. But thanks, for, you know, everything. And if it's ok that I leave my car here, you can use it and stuff."

"Sure," Max says. It's as much as Axel's going to get out of him, so he takes Max's empty plate as well, and does the dishes. Max doesn't argue, and Dog doesn't get up to follow him. Axel isn't sure if it's a victory or not.

He calls Alice after, and she has to finish her errands before she can get him, so he has to wait around uselessly at Max's until late afternoon. He feels a bit guilty, taking up space, and Max can't even turn on the TV. "You can like, go to the gym or whatever if you need to," Axel mumbles.

"I can do that tonight," Max says, and Axel frowns.

"I mean, like, you don't have to watch my every move."

"You'd probably get bored and start chewing off your own arm if I didn't," Max retorts, which startles him. 

"Oh, uh…"

"See," Max laughs. He's sprawled out across his bed with Dog on his chest, while Axel is curled up on the couch.

"And uh, thanks for letting me sleep in your bed last night," Axel adds. It feels out of place in their conversation, but he has to say it; maybe he'll even say it more times before he leaves. "I could've slept on the couch."

"It's fine," Max shrugs. Axel wrings his fingers together nervously. 

"I mean it though. Thanks, for, like, everything. I probably owe you my life now."

"It's fine," Max says, but it isn't fine, and Axel doesn't know how to express that. So instead, he looks at Dog, who's licking at Max's hand, and nods.

"Yeah okay."

"You know you can come here whenever," Max says. "If you need a place to go, I'll be here."

Axel nods, and tries not to think about how weird it is when they don't say anything to each other for the next three hours.


	11. elva

"You know," Alice says, as they drive down the highway, "I never thought your first year of uni would go to shit this soon."

"Oh, so you were expecting it to go to shit?"

"Yeah, but like, in the failed exam or separated shoulder kind of way, not causing controversy and getting into bar fights kind of shit," Alice says.

"I guess I just went above and beyond all expectations," Axel sighs.

"The black eye doesn't look good on you, kid."

"I know," Axel grits his teeth. "Wasn't much I could do about it, now was there?"

"You're right, I'm sorry. You did what you could," Alice sighs, and they don't say much for the rest of the drive. It's not a comfortable silence like it had been with Max though, and Axel just wants to be home and in his own bed.

What he doesn’t expect is his mother. "How have you not found a place in the city yet? Do I have to kick you out to make you look harder? If you haven't found a place to live by the end of next week, maybe you shouldn't live here anymore."

"If it's so easy, why don't you find me one?" Axel groans. "I've tried everything." He's looking at the ground, and his mom is not looking at his face, which is probably for the better. She doesn't need to know about the fight.

"You're not looking hard enough- what happened to your face?" Axel groans, and storms his way up the stairs and to his room.

That night at dinner, Axel ignores his dad and Moa staring at his face. He eats quietly, and when he's finished, helps clean up as usual. Before his mom leaves, he asks her quietly, "Can you please join me upstairs when I'm finished?" She nods, and he goes back to the dishes.

"This is a list," she shows her later. "This is every housing company in Jönköping and the surrounding area. The checkmarks are the offices I visited in person. The bullet points are the offices I called. The stars at the offices that said they had vacancies." He gestures to the list. There are bullet points by every single office, and checkmarks by a solid 90% of the list.

"Only two of the companies could offer me vacancies," he explained. "One was far out of my price range. It was quadruple the maximum price that I could afford, and far larger than I needed. The other vacancy was filled the day after I called them back by someone on the waitlist. I am on the waitlist for every one of these companies that have waitlists, but I'm so far down it's hopeless to even get one within the next two years."

"I’m sorry," his mom sighs. "I hadn't realized the housing situation was so bad."

"It's a nightmare for students, and the school can't help me at all since I'm not an international student," Axel explains further. "Independent renters exist, but if you don't know the right people, it's impossible to find one."

"I'll start asking around more then," his mom says. "I really do hope you find something soon. Obviously the commute isn't good for you."

"Yeah, thanks," Axel says, and waits for her to leave. She doesn't though, standing there awkwardly in his room like she's waiting for something. He keeps her waiting, knowing she'll break eventually.

"What happened to your eye?"

"Nothing," Axel says, and she takes it as dismissal. He lets out the breath he was holding, and closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again, Moa is in his doorway.

"So, now that mom's gone, what really happened to your face?"

"Some guys from the hockey team jumped me at the bar," he admits. "It was embarrassing."

"What happened?" 

"I just, I dunno, let them do it until security threw them out. I have a mild concussion- no TV or anything for a while, I guess."

"Where did you go after? You didn't come home last night, and since Alice dropped you off, I guess your car is still in Jönköping?"

"Yeah, I stayed with Max and I left my car with him too," Axel says. "He took care of me."

"The hot one, right?"

"Yeah," Axel blushes.

"So, are you guys, like, together now or what?"

"Real life doesn't work like that, Moa," Axel says with a sigh. "I don't know if he's into dudes, but even if he was, he probably wouldn't be into me. He's just a nice guy, and that's all."

"You wish he wasn't," Moa says flatly. Axel shrugs.

"A bit, yeah. He's just… he's so… ugh." Axel drops down on his bed. "He's just so Max."

"I don’t know what that means," Moa says, rolling her eyes. "Have you figured out how you're getting back to school on Monday?"

"I'll take the bus, and hope the black eye doesn't look as bad as it does now," Axel shrugs. "Mom's finally seen how bad the housing thing really is, so maybe she'll be able to find something that I can't."

"I can ask around a bit too, if you like," Moa offers.

"Thanks," Axel says, and when she backs out of his room, he feels a lot better than he had earlier that night. He rests all night, and all day Sunday, the hours passing by in a blur. He doesn't watch TV or pick up his phone. He just stares at his ceiling and tries not to think too hard about Johansson's fist on his face.

By the time Monday rolls around, he's more than ready to leave Urshult again. The trip to Jönköping takes twice the usual time without his car, but he just stares out the window of the bus and watches the trees fly by without complaint. His eye looks better, his head feels clearer, and he's ready to attend his classes.

His day is quiet. In fact, it's oddly quiet compared to the past week. Nobody even looks at him in class. There are no jeers that echo across the courtyard. He doesn't hide in the library and nobody moves out of his way when he goes to the gym. 

Theo's is the same as it always is, with too many hockey players crammed in a booth and too few beers on the table. There's a plate of fries in the middle and greasy fingers all around. Emil talks about taxes and politics, Isak talks about football, Oskar talks about the student union, the goalies talk about Mason's brother and the local team, and Max doesn't talk at all.

On Tuesday, instead of going to Theo's or the gym or wherever everyone else goes after school, they go to the rink. It's not the same as being part of a team. It's not the same as running drills at the arena while the coach screams at them, or playing a professional game. 

But it's hockey.

Axel's thighs are burning and his wrists are sore when he leaves the ice. Val's still on, stretching while Mason slaps a few pucks at the empty net and Emil watches. Oskar, Max, and Isak are in the locker room with Axel, slowly stripping from their gear. 

"That felt good," Axel says, and he gets noises of agreement from his friends. Oskar grabs his towel and heads for the shower, and some of the others follow, leaving Axel alone in the locker room with Max.

"Thanks," Max tells him quietly.

"For what?" "Axel asks.

"Finding this place," he says, and Axel just shrugs.

"I wanted it as much as you. We all did, I think." They both start moving toward the showers to wash the sweat from their bodies.

"It's good," Max says, and they're in the showers for half a second before Max whips him with a towel, hard, on the back of his thighs. Axel lets out a frankly embarrassing yelp, and Max doubles over in laughter.

From under the showerheads, Oskar and Isak both turn to gawk at them. "Alright," Oskar raises an eyebrow, and turns back to his shower. Isak does the same soon after. It's only after they're dressed and hanging by the cars, waiting for the goalies to finish up, that Oskar brings it up.

Max and Emil have gone off somewhere to grab a few bottles of water for them when Oskar says, "I don't know what you did to Max, but I've never seen him laugh like that before."

Axel shrugs. "Me neither."

"It's good for him," Oskar says.

"Yeah," Axel agrees. "He's got a nice laugh."

"Who does?" Isak asks.

"Max," Oskar tells him.

"Oh yeah, he does…" Isak trails off, looking quizzically at Axel for a moment. "You like him a lot, don't you?" Axel makes a noise of agreement before he realizes what he's doing, and Isak chuckles. "I think he likes you too," he says, before turning around and smiling at Mason, who'd just walked up. "Hey, what took you so long?"

Mason shrugs, and by the time Val shows up, Max and Emil have returned, juggling seven bottles of water. Axel ends up with Max, Isak, and Oskar in his car while Val and Emil climb in with Mason for the drive back to the city center. 

Max bullies his way into the front seat with his iron glare and the fact that his legs are longest. That's another fact of life, Axel thinks – Max is tall. He's pretty tall himself, but he's still shorter than Max. Axel isn't shorter than a lot of people; he's not sure he can put into words the feeling that bubbles inside his stomach when he stands next to someone bigger than him – he's not sure he wants to.

Oskar and Isak argue the whole way about skate brands, Max tunes them out and fidgets with the radio, and Axel just focuses on the road. "So," he says, fifteen minutes later as they close in on town, "Where are we going?"

"Theo's," Isak rolls his eyes. "Duh."

When Axel parks, and Max moves to walk the opposite direction, Axel frowns. "Dude, c'mon," he says. He reaches out, like he's going to grab Max's arm, but changes his mind at the last second and lets his own arm drop to his side.

"I'm just going to drop off my stuff," Max gestures to his gear bag with a crooked smile. "You can come if you want; say hi to Dog. She'll be happy to see you."

"Right," Axel grins, and when he finds Isak and Oskar waiting for them, he waves them forward. "I'm going with Max to drop off his things and we'll meet you there." Axel doesn't even try to interpret the look Isak shoots him, and instead, follows Max back to his apartment in relative silence.


	12. tolv

"Today was good; yesterday was good too," Axel tells Max as he dumps his bag in the door, pulls out his shoulder pads to air out, and shakes some food into Dog's bowl. "I didn't get yelled at during school, and nobody ran away from me at the gym."

"Everyone's going to forget who we are in two weeks," Max shrugs.

"I hate that you're so nonchalant about everything," Axel groans, flopping down on Max's bed. Dog wanders over and flops down on his stomach. Well, he's probably not going anywhere now.

"I don't get shit on. I don't lose anything except hockey, but it's not really losing out if I voluntarily gave it up," Max says.

"Well, that's one way to look at things," Axel sighs, gently stroking Dog's back. 

"Look at it from my perspective," Max says. "It's easy to move on, for me. I'm 23 – I know I'm not going to make it pro. Hockey's nice, but I can play hockey somewhere else. I'm doing okay in classes, and I have enough friends, a lot of whom don't live in this city or go to this university, or even care about hockey. You guys all gave up so much.

"Mason had his reputation as Theo's younger brother- he was supposed to be the savior. Val came all the way from Finland just to play hockey. Oskar had all of his student union shit and his position, and Isak had a reputation as being the 'cool guy' on campus. Emil was the captain. It was his team – he was responsible for us. And you- you were new; nobody knew anything about you, but you're good. You could've changed everything for the season."

"And I did change the season; I changed it so much there isn't a season for us anymore," Axel says morosely, to which Max rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, but-" He pauses to sit down on the bed next to Axel, and join in on petting Dog. "You changed it for the better. You changed it so that someone else can't end up in the same situation as you- so that nobody else is going to get hurt by power-tripping ego-maniacs who think playing hockey can buy them whatever they want."

"Oh," Axel mumbles, at a loss for words. Max just smiles, and reaches over to ruffle Axel's hair like he would do to Dog.

"Is your head ok?" 

"It's better now," Axel says. "Who would've thought," he sighs. "I get a concussion and it's not even on the ice."

"Shit happens," Max says, and Axel can't help the way he snorts. Dog grunts, stretches again, and climbs off Axel's chest to wander over to her food bowl. Max flops over and sighs. 

"I almost don't want to go out again. I'm pretty tired," Axel says, pushing his face into Max's pillow. He tries not to think about how good it smells, a bit like Max, a bit like shampoo, a bit like sweat. 

Max nudges him a bit, pushing him over so that they're both squished together, lying parallel on the bed. Max has his head on a corner of the pillow too. "Me too," he says, closing his eyes. Axel's breath hitches; he's not sure if it's from the sleepiness or the proximity. Maybe both.

"Let's sleep a while," he decides.

Max hums in agreement, already halfway to asleep. Axel follows him not long after.

Axel wakes up to his phone chiming somewhere near his head. He reaches for it, and accidentally elbows Max in the face. Max just groans and rolls over, burying his face into Axel's shoulder as Axel flicks his phone on.

It's a text from Emil in the group, asking where he and Max are. "Fuck," he groans, stretching a bit. He tries his best to keep his shoulder still. Max's breathing has evened out, like he's fallen asleep again. Axel checks the time; they've been out for nearly two hours. 

"Hey," he drops his arm onto Max's back, trying to rouse him a bit. "The guys are wondering where we are. Did you still want to go to Theo's?"

"Better than cooking dinner," Max says into Axel's shoulder, before regrettably lifting himself from the bed and trundling into the bathroom.

Axel sighs, hopelessly tries to flatten his hair a bit, and swings his legs off of Max's bed only to nearly squish Dog in the process. Max comes back into the room, grabs his wallet, and nods. "Let's go," Axel agrees, and tries not to think too hard about how easily his hair could be mistaken for sex hair. 

Isak shoots Axel a confused look when they walk in, but he doesn't say anything, and Axel doesn't dare bring it up. He spends the next few hours at Theo's – eats dinner, watches the football match, and tries not to think about how his shirt smells a bit like Max, or the warm huff of breath against his shoulder earlier. 

He drives home later that night, and is greeted by his mom who tells him, "Anna and I found you an apartment just outside Jönköping. It's not in the city center but it's 20 minutes by bus or ten minutes by car. It's better than Urshult, and it's affordable."

"What's the catch?" Axel asks, putting his bag down and grabbing a glass of water. He leans against the counter and waits. He knows there's a catch. There's always a catch.

"It's not the best part of town," Anna says from where she's sitting at the table. "But the area's been getting better in the past few years, and you'll be fine there. Lots of students have moved into the area recently."

"Okay," Axel doesn’t want to argue. It's a place to live. He'll take it.

"You can move in soon. Probably next weekend."

"I can handle another week and a half here, I think," Axel grins at his mom. "Thanks, though, for looking."

"I only found it because of a friend," Anna says, and then smiles up at him. "I can't believe it- my baby brother's all grown up. Next thing we know, you'll have a nice boyfriend and a degree."

"Shut up," Axel flushes, and Anna grins, getting up and pinching his cheek before heading for the door.

"I have to go back to Kristianstad tonight, but I'll get you the keys soon as I can."

"Thanks," Axel says, and he really means it.

The rest of the week goes by quietly. Axel sits through class, goes to the gym, and goes to the rink with his friends. The soundtrack in his car slowly moves from classic rock that he grew up on to Max's R&B and hip-hop, and his thighs ache from overuse.

He's tired more often than not, and he's swamped with assignments, rushing his way through thousands of words on Friday afternoon in the library so he can go to the hockey game on Friday night with the guys. 

Theo hooks Mason up with enough tickets for all of them, so they file into the seats as HV71 meets MoDo for the first time of the season. Theo puts up four points (two goals, two assists), and HV dominates MoDo with a final score of 5-2. Unsurprisingly, the crowds are in great spirits, singing and cheering as they spill out of the area and into the city.

Theo's, as usual after a victorious game, is packed to the brim. Emil leads them through the throngs to their usual booth, where they order beers and mingle with the crowd. It's easy, it's relaxed, and Axel feels more at home than he does in Urshult. It's easy here, to let his guard down, and to make conversation with strangers at the bar. 

Everything's nice; the beer makes him feel loose and relaxed. He's had a few too many to drive home but he figures it's fine; he'll sleep it off in his car and he'll drive home in the morning. 

Axel loses track of everyone he knows within two hours, but he's talking to a nice bloke about architecture in Helsinki and getting boozy on the ferries between Sweden and Finland. He doesn’t recognize the guy; he's wearing an HV McDowell jersey and speaks with a Stockholm accent, which is a strange mix, but Axel figures he must be new to the area. 

Two o'clock and last call come too quickly, and then it's three and the doors to the bar are locked behind him. Axel, along with a handful of other loitering patrons, are tossed to the curb.

Axel takes his time walking to the car. He's not in any rush and probably could use a few hours until he's sober enough to drive. He's looking forward to sprawling in his backseat as he stretches, walking down the street and looking up at the trees at the park near where he left his vehicle.


	13. tretton

Just because the week had been too quiet, too perfect, something had to go wrong. Axel trundles over to his car eventually, only to find that someone had slashed all four of his tires, and smashed his front window.

He wants to scream, but he's tired, drunk, and just wants a place to put his head. Logic would tell him to just climb in the backseat of the damn car, sleep, and deal with it in the morning (or, well, later in the morning) but Axel is far from logical.

Max doesn't live too far away. Axel's intoxicated head decides it's a great time for a surprise visit. He wants to see Dog, and Max's couch sounds like a nice place to lay low for a few hours before he has to deal with reality. Besides, Max had said he was welcome to visit whenever. 

The streets are dark, and oddly quiet for a Friday night. Max's building is illuminated by a flickering streetlight. It gives the whole block an eerie glow that turns Axel's insides. He goes to press the buzzer but then realizes that the person who had entered last had not closed the door all the way. He pulls it open, and wanders up to Max's floor. The door is closed (of course it is), so Axel raises his hand and knocks.

He's not expecting Max to be awake, so he figures it might take a few knocks, or even a phone call to get him moving, but the door swings open surprisingly fast. Through the crack, Axel can see a dim light on. Max isn't wearing much; a pair of dark boxers and his socks. 

"Yeah?" He grunts.

"Can I crash here?" Axel asks feebly. 

"Yeah," Max grunts again, and opens the door wider before stepping aside so Axel can cross the threshold. Maybe it's because he's drunk that it doesn't register right away but as Max goes back to fixing his sheets, it hits him what Max must've been doing before Axel interrupted.

"It smells like sex in here," Axel says. It's an understatement. It reeks of sex. Max opens a window.

"Captain Observant in the house," Max says flatly, fluffing his pillow.

"Did you pick up?" Axel asks, but Max ignores him. Axel wants to push; he's flooded with an overwhelming sense of jealousy, and the need to know, and… oh. "Fuck," he says aloud. He hasn't put it into words yet, though perhaps Moa's done it for him already, weeks ago. He hasn't quite put into words the way his tongue tangles and his heart stutters and his breath hitches sometimes, but that isn't the important stuff.

He's lying on Max's couch, staring at Max who's pulling the sheet over his body, and his heart is thumping a million beats a minute. He's not thinking about his heart though; he's thinking about the way they stand next to each other in the tiny kitchen, bumping elbows as they make dinner together. He's thinking about earlier in the week when they fell asleep pressed together on the bed, or the time Max waited for him after class, when this shitshow first began- when they'd barely exchanged conversation but he'd needed a place to sleep and Max brought him home and introduced him to Dog.

Axel might just be a little bit stupid for Max.

It's quite far from a life-altering revelation, but at five in the morning on Max's couch, it feels like the second coming of Christ.

He's not sure when he falls asleep, but he sure as hell knows he wakes up after sunrise because the light fighting through the curtains is hurting his brain. Somewhere beyond the throbbing, his memories of the previous night come back and he feels his face flush in embarrassment. "I am so sorry," he blurts out. Max, from where he's laying in bed reading a book, merely raises an eyebrow in his direction.

"I shouldn't have just showed up at your door like that. I should've called, at least."

"You're lucky I was still up. You realize it was almost four in the morning?" Max asks rhetorically, putting his book aside and stretching out on the bed. "You look like shit."

"Thanks," Axel grunts. "I didn't, like, interrupt anything last night, did I?"

"Nah," Max shakes his head. "I was just cleaning up a bit, it's fine."

"Right," Axel swallows. Of course. It wasn't like whoever Max picked up would stay anyway. Max probably wouldn't let him. Axel squirms a bit on the couch. 

"There are pills in the bathroom for your head," Max says. 

"Thanks," Axel says. After he downs the pills and a couple glasses of water, he feels slightly more alert. He curls up on the couch with a blanket and tells Max quietly, "I came here because I went to my car last night to sleep and saw someone had slashed all my tires and broken my window."

"Well shit," Max says.

"Yep," Axel agrees. He pauses. "Are you ok?"

"A little hungover," Max admits.

"I'll buy you breakfast," Axel says, stretching. "You deal with my sorry ass enough."

"Thanks," Max says, and then pauses. "Maybe I should put on a shirt."

Axel barks out a laugh, and speaks before he can stop himself. "Well, I won't complain if you don't but if we go out we might not get served."

They go to a small café that does a brunch buffet a few blocks from Max's apartment. It's an easy walk that takes them past Axel's car so they can better inspect the damage. "I know a guy who'd probably cut you a deal if you pay for towing to the shop," Isak says when Axel sends a picture to their group chat.

"I'll probably take you up on that after I get some breakfast," Axel says. He pauses, and pulls out a note tucked in his windshield wiper. "Faggot," he reads aloud to Max, who rolls his eyes and plucks the sheet of paper from Axel's fingers, tossing it in a nearby trashcan.

"Forget it."

"Already did," Axel says, and follows Max to the breakfast place.

They both load up their plates and find a quiet table in the back corner. It's in front of a window that overlooks the sidewalk. "I thought they'd quit, y'know? I thought they'd punch my face in and then it'd be okay. That's how guys usually work, yeah?"

"Yeah," Max agrees. "But if these shitheads are actually going to vandalize your car, you can file a police report later – you know who it may be, and they have motive."

Axel hums in agreement. "I guess I'm going to the station after this."

"How are you getting home?"

"I don't know," Axel sighs. "There aren't frequent buses or trains to Urshult on the weekend so I'm not too sure. Maybe I'll see if I can get a bus to somewhere nearby and get my sister to pick me up. Or I'll just go to Kristianstad for the weekend."

"You can just stay with me," Max shrugs, like it's no big deal. Axel can't help the relief that spills onto his face.

"Thank you so much, seriously. You're the best," Axel says, and Max just shrugs.

"Dog likes you." 

"I'll be out of your hair soon anyway," Axel continues. "My mom found me a place, and I'll move in sometime this week."

"Cool, what kind of place?" 

"I'm not sure," Axel admits. "She and Anna couldn't tell me much- I think my sisters are going to come help me move – we'll get the keys this week but because of school and stuff I probably won't get settled until the weekend."

"I’m glad you found a place," Max says. "If you need help moving, let me know."

"Thanks," Axel says. "Really, thanks for everything you've done these past few weeks. You've made things a lot easier."

"It's fine," Max shrugs. "It's nice to have more than a cat around sometimes," Max says, and Axel grins.

"Admit it, you like it when I bother you."

"Well," Max says slowly, taking a bite of food and chewing pensively. "You're not wrong."

After breakfast, Axel spends a harried few hours contacting Isak about his friend, filing a police report, calling a tow truck, and getting paperwork filled out. Lots and lots and lots of paperwork. His hand is sore and all he wants is a long shower and a nap. When he tells Max as much, he shrugs and says, "I have a shower and a bed."

"I hope so," Axel says cheekily.

"C'mon," Max laughs, ruffling Axel's messy hair and leading them both back to the apartment.


	14. fjorton

"Are you seriously fine with me staying here until my car gets fixed? They said it'd be a few days at least," Axel frowns.

"I know, I was there," Max reminds him. "I wouldn't have offered otherwise, so stop stressing," he says.

"I'll stay out of your way," Axel promises.

"You're not in my way," Max tells him. 

"What were you planning today?"

"Nothing really," Max hums. "Maybe I'll go to the gym later, but I'll dig out my spare key for you."

"Are you sure this is fine? Are you sure your landlord is fine with this?"

"Yeah," Max says. He pauses, like he's not sure whether to say the next sentence. "My ex lived out of town and she never cared when they were around all the time for weeks without going home."

"Oh," Axel says, and figures that this is the right time to stop asking questions. "I'll probably go to the gym later too. The school gym, though."

Max stays true to his word and finds the spare key for Axel – they leave together, though they go opposite ways as Max's gym is in the city center when Axel's is at school. He goes through his workout routine without much thought and heads to Theo's after.

"How was your night?" Emil asks as Axel pulls into the booth. He shrugs.

"It was okay; I ended up crashing at Max's because some fuck head messed up my car, but you saw the picture."

"Yeah," Emil says, and gives him a sympathetic shoulder pat. 

"How's Max? Wait, no, where's Max?" Isak asks, and Axel shrugs.

"He went to the gym; I haven't seen him since."

"But you're still staying with him?" Isak asks, and Axel confirms with a nod. "Then…"

"I have a key," Axel says with a shrug. "Anyway, it's Max- he'll probably show up eventually. Send a text or something."

"Man, he never responds in the group though," Isak says, but his fingers are flying across his phone and Axel knows he's doing it anyway.

Max does wander in about twenty minutes later, sliding in the booth next to Axel. He smells freshly showered, like Old Spice body wash with a hint of fresh mint. "How was the gym?" Isak asks, and Max smiles a bit crooked.

"It was good."

"Were you really at the gym for the last four hours?" Axel asks.

Max shakes his head. "I had fika with an old friend."

"Is this the same friend that-" Isak starts, but Max actually reaches across Axel to physically place his hand over Isak's mouth.

"Don't," he says.

"Okay," Isak agrees, once Max's hand is back on the proper side of Axel.

They spend a few hours at Theo's, but they all had an exciting Friday night, so nearly everyone heads their separate ways by ten. Axel and Max walk back to the apartment together, without words between them. 

"What does Isak know that I don't?" Axel asks, somewhere between unlocking the door, hanging up his jacket, and curling up on the couch. Max is making tea in the kitchen, setting the kettle to boil and preparing a couple mugs.

"My ex is back in town for business," Max explains. "I don't like talking about my private life, that's all."

"Oh," Axel says. He's not sure he wants to know more, but he keeps pressing, for reasons that escape him. "And you've been meeting this ex?"

"Yeah. We didn't end on bad terms- it was more of a distance thing. A lot of people want to try, but we didn't think it was worth it."

"So, now that they're back, you think you guys might, uh. Meet up again?" Axel asks.

"We're not getting back together," Max says.

"Why not?" Axel asks. "You said yourself you only broke up because of the distance, and if they're back here…"

"It was a while ago," Max says, bringing their tea to the table. "Things have changed."

"How so?" Axel asks. "I mean, I'm sure you were good together."

"We're both interested in other people now," Max says. Axel isn't quite sure what to do with that bombshell, so he takes a gulp of his scalding hot tea and tries to focus on the burn instead of the fact that Max is interested in someone.

They end up watching a few episodes of whatever TV show Max has been watching lately. Axel doesn't process any of it, drinking his tea and trying not to let his mind wander to regrettable places.

It does anyway, as memories of the night before spill back – the smell of sex heavy in the air, the way Max had smiled tightly at Axel like he wasn't sure what to do with him. The way Max's body was loose-limbed and relaxed when he went to sleep that night. Axel can feel it now as well, the way Max had just seemed a lot more relaxed lately.

Dog whines for attention, and Axel relents, giving in to head scratches and belly rubs as the television drones on in the background. "Have you told your family? About the car, I mean," Max says, sometime later as the credits for the episode scroll across the screen.

"No, not yet," Axel says. "I should probably do that," he frowns. Normally, he'd have called them first, but now, he realizes, he hadn't even thought about it. In fact, his mother would eventually call him, worried, because he hasn't been home in a couple days. 

When he calls, she's relieved his okay, but not all too pleased to hear about the car. "It's fine; it's being taken care of," he tells her, and she sighs but allows him the benefit of the doubt. She understands it isn't his fault, which is more than he can say for Alice, who reams him out before asking if he needs to borrow her car or a ride back to Urshult.

She laughs when he tells her he's staying with a friend, but doesn't push the subject; she just reminds him that she loves him, and that she'll see him later in the week to help him move.

Axel and Max spend Sunday together, crammed in the library to hurriedly finish up the week's assignments. Afterward, they eat at Theo's, watch hockey, and try not to think too hard about the upcoming week. Axel mentally prepares himself for a regression in mob mentality from his classmates, but it doesn't happen.

Much like the last week, Monday is quiet. They go to the rink in the late afternoon, and skate out their studies-related frustrations on the unfortunate rec team that gets to play them that afternoon. Oskar apologizes after the eighth goal, but Axel is unforgiving, pushing forward to score three of his own after.

Val drives them back into the city, and the guys all congregate at Theo's once again. Max pulls Axel aside though, and says, "I'm going to meet my ex for coffee by the lake if you want to join us," he offers.

"Are you sure it's alright I come?" Axel asks, though his curiosity is rampant and he's already made up his mind.

"Yeah. They're bringing someone too," Max shrugs. 

"Nice, yeah, okay, I'll come," Axel agrees. "When do we meet?"

"In a couple hours, so we can hang out at Theo's for a bit," Max says, and so they do.

"Oh hell no," Isak says, when Axel brings up the fact they're meeting Max's ex later.

"What?" Axel asks, taken aback, and Max just chuckles.

"Isak's just jealous he didn't get invited," Oskar laughs, and nudges Max. "Have fun though, eh? We say hi, and stuff."

"You can send a text yourself," Max grins. "We should get going."

"Right," Axel says, and they pay their tabs on the way out the door.

During the walk to the café, Axel asks, "So, what's her name?" Max laughs, a full laugh, and when Axel just looks at him confused, Max grins, wide and predatory.

"His name is Jesper."


	15. femton

Axel nearly stops mid-step, breath sticking in his throat like he's been checked hard into the boards. "Oh, uh- sorry, I didn't, I mean… I shouldn't have assumed."

"It's fine," Max says, and the rest of the way to the café, Axel tries not to think too hard about how Max's ex is another man. 

They arrive at the café first, so Axel grabs a table on the patio while Max orders them coffee. "Thanks," Axel says as the mug slides under his nose. 

"You're welcome," Max says, sliding into the seat next to Axel and casually crossing his ankles. "Oh, they're here," he waves toward the door, forcing Axel to look up.

Physically, Jesper is decidedly not a hockey player, or similar to Max or Axel in any way. He's short; Axel guesses around 168. His skin and hair are darker than the stereotypical Swede, and his eyes are a deep brown. He's slim, but he isn't all lean muscle – he's soft in some places, Axel can see, when he takes off his leather jacket. His t-shirt is splashed with a band that Axel doesn't recognize, and his jewelry is all silver and thick. He wears tight jeans and heavy combat boots, and when he finally speaks, it's with a Gothenburg accent with a hint of something Axel can't place.

"Nice to meet you," Axel says politely, and Jesper smiles, wide and genuine.

"It's nice to finally put a face to the name," he says, and blatantly ignores the way Max glares at him. "This is Martin," Jesper introduces the man to his right. Martin isn't anything exciting to look at; he's a bit thick around the chest and shoulders, but stocky, only a few centimeters taller than Jesper. His hair is short and blonde; he wears a polo shirt and jeans over Nike sneakers. Axel and Max shake his hand obediently as well.

It's strange, watching Jesper and Max together. Axel's never seen Max so relaxed with another person – he passes Jesper a napkin without asking, the same way Jesper casually reaches over and takes bite of Max's cake.

It's the quiet moments that Axel notices the most, the way they speak to each other in slight hand gestures, eyebrow movements, and unguarded looks. It's the way Max's eyes flicker to Axel briefly before looking away, and Jesper just breaks into a fit of laughter that startles Max into dropping his fork.

At some point, Jesper's hand wanders onto Martin's thigh, and their chairs pushed closer together so they're straight up cuddling across from Max and Axel. Axel just sips at his coffee and tries to ignore it, and ignore the way Max is clearly sizing Martin up.

They talk about unsubstantial topics like the weather and Ikea furniture the whole time without disclosing much personal information at all, and before he realizes, Axel has watched the sun disappear behind the horizon and the café is preparing to close around them.

"I'm staying with Martin right now," Jesper starts, and looks at the other man to take his cue.

"You're welcome to join us for a movie and a couple drinks," Martin continues. 

Axel opens his mouth to say he's interested, but Max cuts him off, responding for both of them firmly. "No, we're done for the night. We both have school tomorrow."

"Your prerogative," Jesper says, and when they say their goodbyes, Axel tries not to watch how Jesper gets to hug Max tightly and get squeezed in return.

As they walk back to the apartment, Axel says quietly, "I wasn't opposed to a beer."

"They weren't asking you for a beer," Max says.

"It sure sounded like it," Axel pouts, and Max just stops in his tracks and stares at him for a moment. "What?"

"Axel, they were asking if you wanted to fuck."

"I… oh," Axel flushes. 

"Sometimes I forget how young you are," Max says as he unlocks the apartment and ushers Axel inside. "It's…" He trails off, searching for the word. "It's refreshing," he says finally.

"Thanks, uh, I think," Axel says as he checks his phone. Max does the same and lets out a chuckle. 

In their group chat, Isak has written, "Max, don't let Jesper eat Axel. He's not ready for that yet."

"Isak's pretty weird about Jesper," Axel observes as Max sends a few private messages to Isak that as nosy as Axel is, he doesn't dare read over Max's shoulder.

"Not going to lie, it was probably the most awkward threesome I've ever had," Max says, and Axel blanches, sitting on the edge of Max's bed.

"Oh."

"Yeah," Max laughs. "I'm going to shower. Make yourself comfortable."

Since Axel's already perched on the bed, he just swings his legs up and switches on Netflix. He scrolls through the horror category until he finds a well-rated film he hasn't seen, and settles back against Max's pillow, with Dog at his side.

It doesn't occur to him until fifteen minutes into the movie that Max had taken a shower at the gym only a few hours earlier, and was probably jerking off 10 meters from where Axel was lying. He focuses on the movie, keeps a steady hand on Dog's soft fur, and tries not to get too excited about what Max may or may not be doing in the shower. After coffee with his ex-boyfriend.

"Shove over," Max says when he appears from the bathroom in a cloud of steam. Dog obediently crawls onto Axel's other size, sandwiching herself between Axel's shoulder and the wall. Max slides on the bed next to Axel; he's miles of soft skin and hard muscle, long legs that cross at the ankles and knees and hips that knock against Axel in all the right places. "What are we watching?"

"I have no idea," Axel answers honestly, "but it just started. Some horror film."

"Cool," Max says, and wiggles a bit to get settled. 

It's not one of those movies that begins scary. It builds up slowly, allowing attachment to each character before they disappear, one by one. By the time it's halfway through, Axel's face is buried in Max's shoulder and he's thoroughly not watching the screen. When he peeks up at the movie, something jumps on the screen and he yelps, startled. 

"I didn't realize you got scared so easily," Max says. Dog had run away a while ago after Axel jolted, and is sleeping peacefully on the couch. Axel's a bit jealous. 

"Me neither," he admits. "Usually I'm fine, I don't know why this is getting me so worked up today." 

"I can turn it off," Max offers, but Axel shakes his head. 

"It's fine if you're enjoying it; I'll just like, close my eyes or something."

"Alright," Max hums, and an hour later as the credits wind down, Max's arm has looped its way securely around Axel's shoulder, and Axel's face is tucked neatly into Max's chest. In fewer words, they're straight up cuddling on Max's bed.

Max moves to get up and turn off the movie, but Axel feels his own arm fly out before he realizes he's moved. "Wait, don't," he blurts, and then stops abruptly, because he has no excuse to stop Max from getting up.

"I'm coming back," Max tells him softly, gently peeling Axel off his side and getting up to shut off the TV and brush his teeth. "Are you going to be okay?" Max asks when he lies down again, and Axel shrugs. 

"I have to be," he says.

"You don't," Max argues. 

"What?"

"Axel, you don't ever have to be okay. It's fine if you need a moment, or need anything, really. It doesn't make you a worse person or anything." 

"Then maybe I'm just a little bit scared," Axel admits, and Max nods, like he's expecting to hear it.

"Did you want to sleep here tonight?" Axel nods into his shoulder. "C'mon then," Max says. "Go brush your teeth and put on something more comfortable-" He hesitates, glancing down at his boxers. "I can put on a pair or shorts and a shirt if it makes you more comfortable."

"This is fine," Axel says, hiding his blush as he climbs over Max and heads to brush his teeth. After Axel crawls back into the bed, Max tugs him close to his chest – Axel can hear his heartbeat. Thump. Thump. Thump. It's relaxing, soothing him and his own erratic breathing.

"Jesper was nice," he says, after a few long minutes. "Thanks for introducing us."

"He's still a good friend of mine," Max says. "He's always going to be. Isak and the other guys met him a long time ago. It's only fair you get your chance as well."

Axel hums in response, and as sleep slowly takes over, he hears Max tell him quietly, "Thanks for coming."


	16. sexton

Axel gets some fairly intense dreams. They don't happen a lot, and most of the time, he can't remember them by the time he's rubbing sleep from his eyes. He remembers this one though.

He's on his belly, naked, and crawling through a forest. The dirt is caked under his fingernails. He can feel the drag of rough twigs and the crinkle of fallen leaves against his chest. The forest is on fire.

The heat sinks into his skin; he feels like he's on fire too, but from inside, his organs searing themselves. He smells steak and wet dirt and fear. Something is beyond the edge of the forest, waiting for him. If he leaves the trees, it'll get him, but if he doesn't, he will burn alive. It's an ultimatum he's not prepared to face.

He chooses the path unknown, to face the fate waiting for him on the edge of the forest. As he approaches the tree line, the forest fades, and he's blinking into darkness, awake and panting into Max's chest, his whole body trembling with fear. Max is gripping his shoulder, petting his hair, scratching his back. "C'mon, wake up Axel," he says. 

There's a heavy weight on Axel's left foot he later realizes must be Dog, from the warmth. "Shit," Axel swears, shifting best he can without disturbing Dog. "Sorry if I woke you."

"It's fine," Max says, "but it's only four. Go back to sleep."

"Yeah," Axel agrees, but he knows it's not that easy. His heart is still hammering and every sound, the rumble of the fridge, the tapping of branches against the window, even Dog's soft breathing, crashes through the silence eerily. After a beat, he mumbles, "Ok, no more horror movies before bed."

"That would be best," Max agrees. "Something I can do to help?" Axel blushes, and he's glad it's dark, so Max can't see how red he's turning. 

"No, it's fine, I just need to relax," Axel says. Max makes a noise of agreement, and gently starts rubbing his hand along the length of Axel's back, like he's soothing a cat. It works surprisingly well.

When Axel wakes up again, it's morning. Axel's turned over sometime in the night, and he's never been so thankful of such before, as his whole body is plastered against Max's and if he was in the position he fell asleep, well, it would be a bit harder to hide how goddamn hard his dick is.

Even worse, as Max's sleepy hand drags slowly up and down his side, Axel's whole body shivers – he feels like he's on a hair trigger and he's about to lose control of everything, everything he's so close to right now. He jerks away suddenly, and Max raises an eyebrow at him.

"Sorry," Axel stutters, and then realizes there's no way he can crawl out of bed without climbing over Max and embarrassing himself further. Like he knows what's up, Max pulls back, rolling onto his back and throwing an arm over his eyes. Axel takes his chance and scrambles into the bathroom, letting the door click shut and taking a few deep breaths before turning on the shower and wrapping a hand around himself.

It isn't until after, as he's toweling himself dry, he realizes he doesn't have any clean underwear. He's gone through the extra pairs in his gym bag, which isn't equipped for him to spend more than a couple nights away from home. "Shit," He swears aloud, tying the towel around his waist before exiting the bathroom. 

"You alright?" Max asks from where he hasn't moved; he's still lying on the bed, arm over his eyes.

"I realized I'm out of underwear," Axel groans. Max laughs, stretching with his arms above his head. The blanket is down by his hips, showing off his smooth, pale skin and taut muscles. 

It's not that Axel is looking, but it's not hard to tell that Max is half-hard in his black boxer-briefs that cling to his body like a second skin. He jerks his head away, and tries not to stare at Max's ass when he goes to dig through his wardrobe. He pulls out a package of new boxers, which Axel grabs thankfully.

"I owe you, seriously," he says, ripping over the packaging and pulling on a pair before dropping his towel.

"Take some clean clothes too," Max snorts, pulling out a drawer and tossing a t-shirt and a pair of jeans at Axel. The shirt fits, if a bit loosely around the chest area, and the jeans are good, if only a bit long. When Axel's dressed, he finds Max has clothed himself as well and is moving toward the kitchen, putting together some food.

"I'll buy groceries next time," Axel offers, to which Max laughs and shakes his head.

"You don't have to, it's fine," he says.

"I want to," Axel says, and Max shrugs and continues to make their breakfast. "The car should be done today," Axel says as he shakes some food into the bowl for Dog.

"That's great," Max says. "It'll be nice to get back on the road again."

"Yeah- it'll be nice to get my own clothes," Axel grins. Max laughs at that, reaching over to tug teasingly at the shirt Axel is wearing.

"I guess they'll fit you better," he says, handing Axel his plate. "I've got class in an hour, but you can take your time."

"Thanks," Axel says quietly. They eat together, and Max gets his things together. He doesn't say much in the meantime, only stopping briefly to pet Dog after she eats a bit. 

"See you later," He says, and then he's gone, the apartment quiet again.

Axel picks up his car, goes to the gym, and then drives back to Urshult.

Anna calls him on Thursday to say she has the key to his new place, but she won't make it to Urshult until Friday afternoon, which is fine because he's got classes until then anyway. He spends a lot of time at school and at the gym. On Thursday, he goes to the rink with the goes but drives straight home after and studies some more. Friday comes quickly.

The morning passes in a blur of cleaning and taping up his boxes after Moa leaves for school. Before leaving for work, his mom stops by his bedroom to wish him well, and he gives her a hug. "My baby boy," she sighs, and Axel relaxes into the hug, and tries not to think too hard about what his own apartment in a city a few hours north actually means to her, to both of them.

When Anna, Alice, and Agnes arrive, Axel's ready to go with his boxes. They take two cars and a truck to carry everything, Agnes sitting in Axel's passenger seat. They carry most of the boxes- clothes, kitchen things, bathroom things, even things Axel didn't even realize he owned that his mom insisted he needed. Alice has the rest of the boxes in her car, and Anna has their dad's truck, carrying Axel's bed and desk. 

The place in question turns out to be a few meters short of spectacular. It's got a bathroom the size of a closet, a kitchen with a tiny stove and mini fridge, and just enough room for the bed and desk, never mind having a chair or couch for company. Axel feels dread stirring in his stomach, knowing he won't want to spend a lot of time here.

He thanks his sisters all the same, and then they're grinning as they help him unpack, a flurry of too many bodies filling the too tight space with Axel's things. "We're going out to celebrate tonight," Agnes declares.

"Okay, we can go to Theo's," Axel tries, but Anna shakes her head.

"No way, baby brother. We're going out, like, proper out."

"What does that even mean?" Axel asks.

"You'll find out," Anna grins, and then they're ushering him into Alice's car, and speeding off to the highway yet again.

Anna's definition of 'proper out' apparently means a gay bar in the next city over, Linköping. Axel started protesting when he saw the signs, and realizes he's lost the battle as he hands his ID over to the guards at the entry. They walk in; it's late enough that there are people, but still early – Anna goes for the bar while they all grab a table in the back.

By the time Anna's returned with drinks, Agnes and Alice have already found seventeen (and counting) men they've deemed 'acceptable' for their younger brother based off their appearance. Axel gulps down half his drink in one swallow. He gets the feeling he'll need it.

The bar starts filling up quickly. Axel stops looking at the guys his sisters are seeking and instead starts downing drinks. As each one empties, Anna or Alice or Agnes bring him another. He doesn't realize how drunk he's gotten until he gets up to use the toilet, and nearly walks into a wall.

"Easy tiger," a guy says, stopping his collision. Axel thanks him profusely and continues on.

By the time he returns to the table, he knows his luck of lying docile has run out because his sisters have picked out his target. "Go talk to that guy," Alice demands.

"Who?" Axel asks, squinting into the dark.

"The tall one, at the bar," Anna says. "He's just your type."

"Sure," Axel says, "but I still don't see him."

"Ah that guy is blocking him now," Anges frowns. "Just go to the bar; he's on the left side where you can't see right now. He's wearing a pink button-up shirt and blue jeans, and blond hair tucked behind his ears. He's hot, and probably taller than you. You can't miss him."

"Sounds perfect," Axel says, and holds his hand out. Agnes hands him her credit card obediently.

"Sound sober, and bring me a mojito if you come back!" Anna calls after him as he makes his way toward the bar. 

He goes to the left side as instructed; slides up to the side of a tall figure, and when the bartender looks his way, orders a beer and mojito, knowing he's probably not going to talk to the guy anyway. 

"Axel."

That's when he looks up and realizes the guy his sisters pointed out is Max.


	17. sjutton

"Hey," he huffs out, and sways a little bit. 

"Easy," Max frowns at him. "Are you here alone?"

"No, I-" he pauses, giggling when he realizes how creepy Max sounds. "I'm here with my sisters."

"Are they the ones who got you this drunk?" Max asks, and Axel shrugs. 

"I guess so. We're celebrating, my new place, and stuff."

"I'm glad," Max sounds kind of pinched. Axel figures out why when minutes later, Jesper sidles up to him and wraps an arm around Max's waist. 

"Babe, what's taking so long? We've settled the bill, and we're going to head out." Max easily removes Jesper from his body without looking away from Axel.

"Go ahead," Max says.

"Fine," Jesper laughs. "It's your night."

"Yeah, whatever," Max says. "Axel, how are you getting home?"

"Alice is driving, how are you getting home?"

"The plan was to not," Max says, and then pauses, looking at Axel critically. "Shit, you're hammered, aren't you?"

"A bit," Axel giggles.

Max sighs, and puts his hand on the small of Axel's back. "Well, do you have room in the car for one more?"

"Of course," Axel tells him. "I'd leave Agnes here if I had to." Max chuckles. 

"Well, I was hoping I'd be a bit more sober when I finally met your sisters, but this is fine. Lead the way, drunkard," Max says, and holds on to Axel (and his beer) the whole way to the table. 

"I brought you your drink," Axel says, proudly setting the mojito in front of Anna. He makes grabby hands at Max for his beer, but Max shakes his head. 

"Give it a bit," he says softly. "You don't need this now." Axel thinks about it for a moment, before he nods. 

"This is Max," he introduces his sisters, one by one, even though Max has probably figured out who is who by now. He's always been observant like that. They all shake hands politely.

"Thanks, I've heard a lot about you," Max says, and Axel stares at him.

"Dude, that's like, the most I've heard you say to someone you don't know, like, ever."

"I can be polite," Max elbows him lightly in the ribs. 

"My life is a lie," Axel says dramatically. He then turns to Alice. "Max is coming back to Jönköping with us after. He doesn't have a ride home."

"Right," Alice says slowly. "You know we brought you here so you could bring a nice boy home right, not the guy you hang out with every goddamn day?"

"Yeah, well, you were the ones who pointed him out and said talk to him!" Axel argues. 

"We didn't know you knew him! Besides, you agreed."

Axel's speech is starting to slur. "I don't care, okay? I'm not going to hook up with some random guy from some shitty bar in Linköping anyway."

"Why not?" Agnes asks.

"Well I always wanted my first time to be worth more than a handjob in the bathroom of a gay bar," Axel spits, and then flushes, because his tongue feels thick and heavy in his mouth, and from the looks on his sisters faces, they probably had no idea he was a virgin. He gets up to storm off, but sways dangerously, and Max shakes his head, grabbing Axel by the shoulders, forcing him back into his seat.

"Stay," He says.

"Where are you going?" Axel asks pathetically, because his drunken brain is telling him that Max wants nothing to do with him now that he realizes he's been hanging out with some gay, virgin, teenager. 

"To get you some water," Max says, and disappears.

Axel's genuinely surprised when Max actually returns, a few minutes later, with a bottle of water. "I'm going to settle the bill and we can go," Agnes says. Alice and Anna head for the toilets in the meantime, leaving Axel and Max alone at the table.

"I don't care about any of that, you know," Max says once his sisters are gone. 

"Any of what?" Axel asks.

"I know you're a gay teenager," Max laughs. "You were pretty upfront with that." 

"I said that out loud?" Axel asks, mortified. Max nods. "You knew I was a virgin?" Axel continues.

"I had my suspicions," Max shrugs, as Axel drops his face into his hands. 

"I am so embarrassed right now," are the only words Axel can force from his mouth. He takes a moment to collect his thoughts before he says, "My sisters are going to gossip so hard about me later. Moa already knows I have the biggest fucking crush on you." He looks up suddenly, his face pale, waiting for a reaction. Max looks the same as he always does though, composed and thoughtful. "I mean, you knew, right? You know everything."

"Again, I had my suspicions," Max says. "Maybe we should talk about this in the morning though."

"What are we talking about in the morning?" Agnes asks, tipsily butting into their conversation.

"We're going to talk about why Axel looks like a fucking heart-eyes emoji when he looks at me," Max says, and Axel turns about six different shades of red all the way down his neck as Agnes laughs.

"I didn't know you knew how to be this sassy in public," Axel grunts.

"A few beers have set aside my filter for a while. I'll probably regret this tomorrow as much as you," Max says, pulling Axel into a standing position. "Your sisters are back, let's go." He throws his arm around Axel's shoulders, and lets Axel lean on him all the way out the door and to the parking lot.

"So Max," Anna starts as they all fold themselves in the car. "How old are you and why do you want to despoil my baby brother?"

"Too old for him and I haven't figured that out yet. He grows on you though, a bit like a tumor you just can't get rid of."

"Where have you been hiding this sense of humor this whole time?" Axel bemoans. Alice is driving and Agnes has shotgun; Anna is on the right, leaving Max on the left and Axel pressed in the middle. He makes an effort to stay centered but it's hard not to tilt over occasionally and press his body against Max's. Eventually, Max just loops an arm over his shoulder and pulls Axel over so that he's basically leaning on Max.

"So, you want to tell me about yourself Max?" Anna asks, and Max laughs, shaking his head.

"Not really, no." 

"Not even a little bit?"

"I can tell you about him!" Axel exclaims, his speech slurring again. Max sighs, but motions for Axel to continue. 

"Alright, tell us Axel, what do we need to know about Max," Alice says from the driver's seat.

"Well, I only know the facts," he says, "but I know that his name is Max Larsson. He is 23 years old and he likes kebab pizzas and drinks his coffee with a little bit of milk. He's 194cm tall and weighs 87kg. He has a cat named Dog and grew up in a town 50km from Jönköping."

"Speaking of Jönköping," Alice interrupts, "I've decided we're not going back there tonight. We'll go to Urshult."

"What, why?" Axel asks, startled.

"I feel like it," Alice grins cheekily. Max groans and puts his head against the window. Axel understands. It's going to be a long night. 

"I guess I have no say in this," Max says quietly. Axel nods against his shoulder, and closes his eyes. He may as well settle in for the drive. Between one blink and the next, highway signs fly past the window, and then they're pulling in the familiar driveway. 

"Wait," Agnes calls, "Where's everyone sleeping?"

"I'm going to wake Moa," Anna says gleefully. "Oh, it's going to be great."

"Couch," Agnes claims quickly. 

"Other couch," Alice says decisively, glancing awkwardly at Max and Axel. "See you guys in the morning. I'll drive you back to Jönköping before you need to be back for school on Monday, don't worry."

Max takes off his shoes slowly, leaving them by the door next to Axel's. "My room is upstairs," Axel mumbles shyly, stopping only to point out the bathroom in the hall. His childhood bedroom seems empty now, most of his things moved to the new apartment. There's still a bed though, bigger than Max's single, which means it's got more than enough space for both of them.

Axel slowly peels of his clothes, layer by layer, slow like he's working on an onion. He's not sure what to do when he's finished, standing awkwardly next to the bed in his underwear like he's about to be marched off to his funeral. Max is still undressing, undoing the buttons on his shirt and folding it along with his jeans next to Axel's bed.

"C'mon," Max says, touching Axel's shoulder. His breath hitches; he's not sure what he's expecting. He knows Max isn't going to do anything, not here, in his childhood bedroom where paper-thin walls only separate them from his sisters. Even worse, knowing his parents are sleeping on the floor below them just assures Axel if anything does happen it won't be here and now.

But he's still nervous; his heart hammers the telltale irregular rhythm, like it's going to beat straight out of his chest. Everything is overwhelming – the feeling of Max's callused hand on his skin, the smell of someone else's cologne, and the brush of cold blankets against warm skin as Max folds him over onto the bed.

It's no different from the other times they've shared a bed, pressed together shoulder to shoulder, or later on, skin to skin, their bodies curving, melting into each other.

Axel's thinking too hard about it now, about the way his hands tremble as he grapples for something solid to hold, or the way Max's breath is ghosting across the back of his neck, like a reminder that whispers, "It's okay, I’m still here." Axel's not sure what to do with this information. Axel's not sure where to put his feet.

"You think too much," Max says, and Axel pales, and tries to even out his breathing. "It's not a bad thing," Max tells him, "but you really should get some sleep."

"It's kind of hard," Axel says.

"And why's that?" 

Axel's not sure what possesses him to grab Max's hand and shove it between his own legs, but he does, and the moment Max's fingers press against the bulge in his boxers, his bravado falters and his breath hitches. "It's kind of hard," he reiterates. 

"Fuck, Axel, c'mon," Max huffs in his ear. "You don't get to do this now."

"Why not?" Axel asks, but lets Max pull his hand back and rest it gently on Axel's hip instead. It takes great self-restraint not to whine at the lack of contact, but he's a grown man who can control his emotions. Or something like that.

Max squeezes his hip for a second before he say softly, "We have a lot of time."

"It sure doesn't feel like it," Axel says, twisting around so that he's facing Max. He shivers as his back his the wall. It's cold against the bare skin, and he instinctively lurches forward toward Max's chest. Max just gathers him easily in his arms and holds him for a moment, sliding his hand up and down Axel's back in a smooth caress. 

"We have a lot of time, and a lot of time real soon where we'll both be sober, and your sisters and parents won't be so close. We'll take it slow."

"So we're doing this, then?" Axel asks, and Max smiles against Axel's shoulder.

"I hope so."


	18. arton

Max doesn't get to meet Axel's parents before he's being dragged out of bed and hustled into a car. Axel tries not to think about how warm and fuzzy Max is when he's sleepy, and just works on worming the giant into the car. Alice wants to head out early so she can still make it home to Kristianstad at a reasonable hour. Axel has no complaints if it means it gets him back to Jönköping earlier too.

They sleep most of the car ride, and then Alice is asking Max, "Where can I drop you off?"

"You can leave me in the city center; I'll walk," Max says, far more awake than he was earlier that morning. He gives Axel a look, but Axel shakes his head. "Later," he says, and thanks the lord that his voice didn't crack.

Max only nods.

Alice drops Max off first, in the heart of town, then drives west to leave Axel at his new apartment. "Everything's ok? I mean, with Max," Alice asks, as they're driving toward his place. He shrugs.

"I guess I'll find out later," he says.

"Why not find out now?" Alice asks, and Axel rolls his eyes.

"I want to take a shower first, and like, mentally prepare myself in case I've accidentally, you know, burned this bridge and our friendship and everything around it."

"I'm sure you'll be fine. That boy is head over heels for you. If I can see it, then everyone can. 

"It's not that easy though," Axel says, biting his lip. 

"I don't see why not," Alice says. "He likes you, you like him, you bang. Isn't that how relationships work?" 

"You're the last person I should be taking relationship advice from. Maybe Anna has some input, since, you know, she's the only one of us that seems to have a stable relationship."

"I agree with Alice," Anna snorts. "You like each other. Worst comes to worst, you fuck things up. He doesn't seem like the guy who's going to stir the pot if anything happens though."

"No, I suppose not," Axel sighs. 

"Don't avoid him," Alice demands.

"I won't," Axel says, as Alice pulls up to his building. He climbs out of the car after a few quick goodbyes to his sisters, and once Anna and Agnes grab their vehicles, they all take off again.

Axel pointedly does not take Alice's advice, and then decides to ignore Max for the rest of the weekend.

To be fair, it isn't like Max is fighting to contact him either. Axel's phone is suspiciously silent, with the exception of their group chat where Val and Oskar end up arguing about the best types of canned fish. Axel mutes the chat, mutes his life, and curls up in bed with his head under the covers, hoping he never has to leave again.

Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that. He goes to school on Monday; he drives, and parks on a different street from the day when his car was vandalized. He runs into Emil on his way to his first class, and into Oskar and Isak on his way to the second. He sees Val and Mason at the gym, and even spots Ellen, the girl with the massive crush on Max. 

It's only a matter of time then, until he sees Max himself. 

The thing is, Max isn't alone. He's sitting with Jesper by the lake, holding a coffee from the nearby café and smiling at the sun. It's still quite warm, considering how late in autumn it is, and a lot of people are out enjoying the last of the sun before winter sets in.

Axel had been walking along the lake to get to his car when he spots them. Bile rises in this throat, and his tongue thickens in his mouth. Jesper is sitting close, maybe a bit too close. But then Max shifts, pulling away and shaking his head. Martin walks up then, and places his hand on Jesper's shoulder. Jesper stands, taking his cup and Max's empty cup with him. The pair walk away toward the city center as a bell rings behind Axel. He flushes when he realizes he's stopped in the middle of a bike path to stare. 

He makes up his mind then, striding purposely over to Max and nearly changing his mind twelve times about whether to turn around. In the end, he makes it to Max before he can regret it, and then opens his mouth only for nothing to come out. Max pats the spot next to him, not where Jesper was sitting, but the other side. Axel sits obediently.

"Hi," he says finally, his voice soft.

"Hi yourself," Max says. 

"Is this awkward?" Axel blurts.

"Only if you make it awkward," Max says, and Axel nods at his feet, taking a deep breath and swallowing hard. "Hey," Max sighs, gently pressing his hand on the small of Axel's back. Axel lets the tension run out of his body; he can't even hide the fact that Max's presence and touch soothes him so easily. "Let's go to my place."

"Okay," Axel agrees. "We can do that."

Dog mews tepidly as Max walks through the door, but when Axel follows, her enthusiasm increases as she runs for Axel's legs, weaving her way around his feet. "I missed you too," He grins, reaching down to stroke her gently. She follows him to the couch, where she curls into his side and refuses to move. 

"It's only been a few days. She's so attached," Max laughs, putting his bag down. "Did you want a drink?"

"No, I’m good," Axel says, trying not to let his nerves show through. Max sits on the other side of the couch, and Axel swears his heart is going to beat out of his chest. "So, uh, what were you doing with Jesper?"

"Just enjoying the sun," Max answers. "He was waiting for Martin to get off work so he had some time to kill. We're still pretty good friends- it's something that's not going to change, no matter what happens between me and anyone else."

"I get that," Axel says, biting his lip. "I guess I just wasn't prepared to see it yet. I'd have to get used to it."

"But you can," Max says, and Axel nods.

"So, uh, we're going to talk about this now," Axel says. It's not supposed to be a question, but he's sure there's still that questioning tilt to his tone. 

"We are," Max confirms, and Axel lets out a sigh of relief.

"I don't know what to say," Axel says self-deprecatingly after a long silence. "Can you, I mean, I don't… "

"Bear with me," Max says softly. "You know I'm not the best at words."

"But you certainly use them sparingly," Axel snorts, and Max smiles a little at that.

"I do. I can't, uh, I can't really tell you what I'm feeling. It's all sorts of confusing and I haven't quite figured out how – oh fuck it," Max sighs.

"What?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Yes," Axel says emphatically before he's even aware the words have left his lips. Max laughs then, a full laugh that fills the room and startles Dog. Axel moves forward shyly, and Max just pulls him close, manhandling him until he's right up in Max's face.

"Okay?" Max checks. Axel feels a bit like he's choking on his own tongue.

"Yeah."

"Good," Max says, and then he's leaning in, his eyes sliding shut. Axel meets him half way, close lipped and nervous. It's been building up for a long time; so long, in fact, that Axel expects some sort of spark, or fireworks. He doesn't get that, or anything, actually. It's just a kiss, far from spectacular, and definitely not special in any way. But a kiss nonetheless.

When Axel pulls back, he's blushing, red splotching his face and neck. Max reaches up to gently touch his cheek, leaning in and pressing their foreheads together. "I'm not really good with words," Max says, "So I can try to show you how I feel."

"Please," Axel says, and leans in for another kiss.

This time, Axel parts his lips a bit, and Max presses with his tongue. 

Afterward, they lie on the couch together, with Max's arms looped around Axel's middle. "I want to have sex with you," Axel blurts out between breaths.

"Okay," Max says. Axel blushes, but a beat later, Max presses a kiss to his temple.

"I want to have sex with you too."


	19. nitton

Despite their successful, if somewhat stilted, conversation, the week moves on smoothly. There isn't a title to it, and that eats Axel up from the inside, though he can't find the words to say as much. They never said more after that, just melting into each other – a smattering of kisses between petting Dog and studying and playing hockey.

Life went on.

Once, they held hands, for only a few minutes, as they walked from Theo's to Max's place. It'd felt awkward and misplaced, like they were doing it because they should have, doing it for all the wrong reasons. They haven't held hands since then, but they haven't talked about it either.

Max does visit Axel a few times after hockey. They lie together on the bed and watch bad movies on Axel's laptop. It's not the same without Dog interrupting them with her head-butts and purring though, so more often then not, they wind up back at Max's flat, which is fine since it's in the city center and Axel has a car.

Their new relationship flies casually under the radar. It's easy to move around each other, much like they'd been doing before. They don’t talk about it. Axel doesn't bring up titles, and Max doesn't push for anything either. It's a compromise, Axel thinks. 

It's a Friday evening at Theo's, a few drinks in, when Isak breaks the silence. "So, when did you two start dating?" He asks conversationally to the table, where everyone turns and stares.

"Who?" Mason asks.

"Max and Axel," Isak clarifies, frowning. "Did you guys seriously not notice?"

Val shrugs, and Isak groans, putting his head in his heads. Luckily, this allows them to escape the question as they look nervously at each other. Or at least, Axel thinks they had, until Isak looks up from his arms expectantly. 

"Are we dating?" Axel blurts out awkwardly, to which Max shrugs.

"If you want to call it that," Max says. Axel nods. He's acquired one title now. He's not sure if "dating" gives him a right to "boyfriend" or any equivalent like "partner" or "significant other" but he thinks it’s a step in the right direction at least.

"So like, uh, right now?" Axel says. Max looks at Isak who shakes his head.

"You guys are so dysfunctional, it's like when you're not telling someone to go hard or shoot, you don't know how to communicate." Max and Axel share a look.

"Yeah, sounds about right," Axel says, and Max laughs, nodding his head.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Isak bemoans, and puts his head back into his arms.

That evening, Axel brings it up because it's been weeks – it's time, he thinks. "So, uh, does 'dating' give me a right to call you my boyfriend now?" He asks Max. They're curled up together in bed; Dog is a warm weight on Axel's foot. She's starting sleeping on him when he's around now, like if she stays on him he won't leave. 

(He's good like that, not nudging her at all when she sleeps; he won't move her unless he absolutely has to. Axel gets the feeling Max isn't quite as forgiving.)

"Boyfriend sounds nice," Max tells him, and Axel leans over for a kiss. Max makes a frustrated noise against his lips and pulls back after a few minutes though, leaving Axel frowning and confused. "I need," he paused, likes he's thinking over his words carefully before he continues, "I need you to talk to me, Axel. I don't know what you want."

"I was hoping you'd tell me," Axel says, voice small.

"I can't tell you what you want, or what you're comfortable with," Max says. 

"Is that why you haven't been like, stealing my virtue or something?" Axel asks. "You've been waiting for me to tell you to."

"Yeah, something like that," Max mumbles, a light blush dusting his cheeks. "Isak was right. We're impossible."

Axel laughs in agreement. "To be clear, uh, you can do whatever you want to me, like, I probably wouldn't know where to even start, if you know what I mean."

"What do you know?" Max asks, and Axel shrugs. He's not looking at Max really; he's looking at his hands, at Dog, at anywhere but Max to be honest. 

"Maybe you can think about it," Max tells him, "and we can start there." 

"I've watched porn," Axel blurts, and then turns bright red as Max openly laughs at him.

"So have I, kid." 

"Fuck," Axel swears, and Max reaches up to brush Axel's hair away from his face. 

"What have you done before?" Max asks, and Axel shrugs.

"Nothing, really."

"Nothing at all?"

"Well, like," Axel sighs. "I've jerked off, obviously."

"Just like, basic hand on your dick kind of jerk off, or did you use any toys? Have you ever fingered yourself? Humped a pillow? Had someone else touch your dick?" Axel turns redder with each suggestion as Max grins wolfishly at him.

"That's a no," Axel affirms. "To, like, everything except getting off super fast to some shitty porn because I didn't want my sisters to hear me."

"I've got pretty thick walls," Max comments.

"Huh."

"We've got a lot of time," he continues. "We could go slow; start with what you know," he mumbles, reaching down and gently palming Axel through his pants. "Then maybe we'll try something new. We can take our time."

"Did you seriously just give me a game plan for sex?" Axel asks, clutching at Max's shoulders as the hand slowly tickles the skin around the waistband of his sweats.

"You weren't going to say anything; it's the only way I know how to do things," Max says into his ear before leaning down and capturing Axel into a kiss. 

"I won't last long," Axel warns, embarrassed, as Max slides his hand into Axel's pants – but over his underwear. 

"That's fine," Max hums. "You're young. We can go again." Axel blushes as he wiggles out of his pants. 

"Oh, was that your plan all along?"

"It might've been," Max smirks against Axel's cheek. "Tell me to stop, if you want."

"No," Axel says firmly. "I mean, I will, if you do something I don't like, but this is fine, and I don't think you will. I uh, I trust you, ok?"

"Okay," Max echoes, and reaches down to tug off Axel's pants and underwear so that he's completely naked. They'd both lost their shirts earlier in the night, somewhere between getting home and getting into bed. 

"This isn't fair," Axel whines, pawing at Max's basketball shorts. Max laughs, but kicks them off before pulling the blanket over both of them. "Hi," Axel says breathily. Max just smiles before he leans in and attaches his lips to Axel's neck. 

It all goes embarrassingly fast after that, the way Max anchors his hand onto Axel's ass, pulling him close so that they're flush together. There's a slow grind, the unbearable pressure felt through their underwear, and then Max is working his hand between their bodies, nudging the elastic of Axel's boxers down.

"Ohmygod," Axel gasps out in one breath, because Max's hand is on his dick, and if that doesn't spell 'he likes me', Axel isn't sure what does. And just as predicted, he comes embarrassingly quick, with a muffled gasp into Max's mouth, making a mess of Max's hand and stomach. "Fuck."

"Yeah?" Max asks. He sounds awed, a bit, like he's not sure how he made that happen. 

"Yeah," Axel sighs, laughing a bit as Max wipes his nasty hand on the sheets. "God I hope you're changing those after." 

Max laughs and nods, letting Axel ghost his fingers along his hips until he asks, "Okay?"

"Yeah, I just, I've never before, you know? I want it to be good."

"Let me show you how I like it," Max murmurs, placing a kiss on Axel's cheek before he kicks off his boxers too, and guides Axel's hand between his legs – firm grip, but not too firm. Short, jerky motions, attention to the head – Axel's trying to learn. The angle is funny, and his wrist twangs a bit- he's not sure if it's from their position or from hockey earlier.

But then Max shifts him easily, rolling their bodies over so that Max is hovering on top. Axel looks up at him, and even in the dark, he can see Max's intense gaze, focused on him, and only him.

"Fuck," Axel swears, and his wrist, looser now from the new position, doesn't object to the gentle twist that feels natural. Max's face goes slack, and he comes all over Axel's chest, which, frankly, wasn't expected, but wasn't exactly unwelcome either. 

Max jams his arm under Axel's neck, snuggling into his side. "Thanks," he mumbles sleepily, and Axel shakes his head.

"Uh uh, no way, you promised me clean sheets."

"Don't I get to enjoy the afterglow for half a minute?" Max asks, but he's already moving, hustling Axel into the bathroom to clean the drying semen off his stomach. They clean themselves off together, and then change the sheets on the bed before rolling back into it.

"So that's it, huh?" Axel asks quietly. "We just, like, we stop here tonight and then what?"

"And then whatever you want," Max tells him. 

"If you want things, you have to tell me too," Axel says. "Promise, please."

"I promise," Max tells him.

"Do you want anything right now?" Axel asks.

"I want to sleep next to you," Max tells him.

"We can do that," Axel says, but Max is already asleep, his breath ghosting over Axel's shoulder like a reminder- "I'm still here. I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."


	20. tjugo

_One Year Later_

They play hockey. 

Sure, it isn't top tier hockey – it's not HV71 on a wicked playoff tear, or Djugården storming through the rink, or Frölunda's perfect captain winking at the camera type of hockey, but it's hockey.

Their beer league team conquers all others; they take ass and kick names. Or is it the other way around? Anyway, they play hockey.

The ice feels like home under Axel's skates. The jeers between classes have died down. Nobody recognizes his face anymore. Johansson hasn't even blinked twice at him since the incident in the bar. His car is parked safely in the lot, and hasn't been the victim of any hate crimes since the first.

His new apartment is kind of shit; the sink drips inconsistently, the shower never has more than lukewarm water, and the ceiling has strange stains. It's the good kind of shit though, the kind that makes Axel put up dumb memes on the walls between the line-ups of the HV71 games he goes to and pictures of him and the guys.

Max is great. Okay, Max has always been great. They play great hockey together, their passes connecting, like, tic-tac-toe into the back of the net kind of great. Axel's pretty into great line mates. He's also, admittedly, pretty into Max. (Oh, who's he kidding – he's so far gone that everyone can see it). 

They play hockey.

Dog is great about Axel being in his space all the time. On the nights he spends in Max's bed, Dog's always at his side, like an obedient minion waiting for him to take the lead. Max probably has four dozen awkward pictures of Axel where Dog is trying to sit on his face or shoulder. Dog is definitely not an appropriate size to be sitting on Axel's head. 

"She forgets she isn't a kitten anymore," Max says one day, laughing as Dog scampers across the back of the couch and pokes her butt in Axel's face.

"She forgets she used to be nice to me," Axel complains, but he pets her anyway, rendering his complaint moot. They take her for walks sometimes, and laugh at the comments they get about being the cutest 'alternative' family. 

Alice graduates at the end of May. By June, she's landed a job in Jönköping and moves into Axel's apartment. He makes it three weeks sharing the tiny space with her before Max takes one look at his stressed out face and says, "Fuck it, live with me."

Axel doesn't have enough words in his vocabulary for "fuck yes" so he just responds with a series of uncoordinated kisses that leave Max pulling away with laughter. 

Agnes and Anna come up from Kristianstad to help Alice properly move into Axel's old place, while Axel packs up his own car to move his stuff to Max's. He leaves most of the furniture for Alice; he doesn’t need it anyway. It takes less than a day, and that evening, he introduces his sisters to his friends at Theo's.

The weird part is, they approve. Not just of Axel's friends, but of the bar where he hangs out, his boyfriend (yes, he gets to call Max his boyfriend now) and this life he's built in Jönköping.

They play hockey.

He takes his sisters to the rink, and laughs when they skate circles around poor Emil who's trying to show off. Oskar has a new position in the student union that has nothing to do with sports. Isak started an e-sports club that's been consuming his life, and Mason finally got his own apartment, moving away from his brother.

Funnily enough, Val ended up moving in with McDowell the senior, captain of the local hockey team, owner and namesake of Theo's… But they don’t talk about that much in the same way no one quite knows how to breach the topic of Max and Axel's syrup-sweet relationship. Except Isak. Isak loves to stick his nose where it doesn't belong.

"So," he asks Val one night, "How long have you been boning Mason's brother?" And Val, bless him, just laughs. That laugh means six months and eight days, Axel finds out later in the group chat when Isak keeps on prodding, and Mason had answered out of pure frustration.

They play hockey with Theo sometimes. Some people think playing with the local superstar is great. Axel just finds him infuriating because he scores so many goals on Val but he's been having a dry spell and can't score that many goals for HV71. He feels blessed anyway, and even more so when he gets to check out Max as he roofs it top cheese on Mason on the other end of the ice. 

Theo scores less goals on Mason (his younger brother) than he does on Val (his boyfriend). Axel tries not to read too much into that.

Axel meets Max's family in the least spectacular way ever when Max brings him home for a weekend. They eat too much food, talk too much hockey, and pet the dogs (real dogs, not cats that think they're dogs). 

Max meets the rest of Axel's family in a shit-show that's supposed to be Christmas. Moa won't stop singing One Direction songs at the top of her lungs, and Alice brings home and guy who wears a suit and sweats profusely from his forehead. Agnes laughs through dinner until she chokes on her food and Anna manages to burn three of the five dishes she helps with. Somehow, with a slew of mislabeled presents and the usual third degree from Axel's parents, Max makes it out alive – with a package of new socks to boot. 

Axel bought him a nice new cock ring but he's not going to share that in front of his family. He gets the feeling Max has something for him too, the way that Max keeps scratching at his left wrist is a pretty good sign he's anxious about something he's hiding, and Axel knows it's not his family.

It turns out to be a ring. Not that kind of ring, no, but a nice one that says "we have a future together" which is more than Max could ever say with words. Alice only ribs him a little bit for saying all of six words the whole holiday, and Axel just laughs while he reminds them that the first time she met Max, he was drunk – drunk Max is surprisingly talkative.

Six words is five more than he was expecting.

Six words is, "We're going to the finals baby!" Max says those to Axel, and it shouldn't mean too much, since beer league shouldn't even have finals, but they do, and they're going there.

Actually, they're going to win it, but they'll still play it for fun. They know their opponent. They haven't lost a game to them this 'season' and they won't in the 'playoffs' – they know that. 

They play hockey.

Axel gets the breakaway; they have a four goal lead, and the goalies are sharing a shutout (they'd swapped halfway through the second period). There's fifteen seconds left in the game. Max gains on his left, Axel passes – right on the tape, and Max goes five-hole on the opposing goalie. 

The horn sounds, the game's over, and Axel's grabbing at Max so he can kiss him on the ice in front of everyone, well, everyone who cares about beer league hockey. It doesn't mean anything – it's not a pro-sports kiss by any means. It's kind of sloppy and off-center too, but Axel doesn't care.

The trophy is made of cheap metal and the plaque that will hold their names has chipped gold plating. Axel kisses it anyway. It's a nicer kiss than he gave Max, and he doesn't care.

Max places his hand on the small of Axel's back. He quirks his lips into a small smile, and raises his eyebrows. Axel's fluent in Max's facial expressions by now. He knows that this one means, "We should celebrate."

"Yeah, okay," he breathes deeply.

Oskar accidentally drops the trophy, and Max laughs as the top separates cleanly from the base. He's clinging on to Axel, and Axel can feel it vibrate through his entire body. As Max's arms wind tightly around Axel's middle, he shivers.

Max leans down and rests his chin on Axel's shoulder. His breath hitches, and the world slows. 

They play hockey.

It's not top tier hockey – but it's hockey, and it brings them joy. Soon, there will be a trophy with their names on it, and maybe next season, they'll have a team name, and personalized jerseys sponsored by Theo's. It's all being discussed as Theo congratulates them.

Max kisses him again.

They have a trophy, and it doesn’t make the news.

It doesn't make the news.

Axel has never been more thankful.

**Author's Note:**

> The story title is a line from [Ingen annan rör mig som du - Norlie & KKV](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URbjo_9ABfs).
> 
> Find on twitter [@Munnoaster](http://www.twitter.com/Munnoaster/) and let's chat about hockey, or Sweden, or anything else.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


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